To A Friend.

I understand that whole feeling of NOW. To be the expert now. NOW. But there are reasons why we need to go through a process. We need the experience, we need the practice. We may be able to intellectually figure the task out or the idea of it, but we have to master it in the heart to BE it.

Which brings me to ask: Do you really want to BE these things in actuality? Or do you like the IDEA of writing, drawing, gymnastics etc. You can certainly live in an IDEA as this requires little effort, but it takes work and dedication to be the ACTUAL thing. We are both very cerebral when it comes to being things. We excel at IDEAS, and can master them quickly. That's probably why we feel we should be further ahead. We get it! We love it! We have many books on it! So... How come we aren't doing it?

It's US. Ourselves. We are responsible for our lack of achievement and action.

And we dress it up as excuses to fool ourselves, and attempt to fool others. Your limitations? There aren't any, except the ones you've created for yourself. And if you've created them, you should be able to take them apart. Excuses like not having the money or the time or you're too tired, they aren't really valid, because they are changable. They just take effort on your part. You can't lift heavy objects? Lift lighter ones until you can lift heavy ones. You want to be a superstar sewer? Sew everyday then. And really sew. Sew stupidly challenging things and be prepared to make messes and screw-ups and all that. You want to paint? Then paint! Your sick of being tired? Seriously look into it. Revise how you approach your day, how you approach your life. Of course you are going to be tired if you demand too much of yourself without adequately dealing with the issues that prevent you from moving forward. It creates stagnation in the mind and spirit and that'll make anyone tired.

You may be a crazy intellegent person, but until you can face the fact that YOU yourself are the ULTIMATE reason why you haven't achieved something, created something, etc. and that you are the only one in the position to make the changes in order to be successful, that intellect will be only used to create lists, and plans, and charts, and moving stuff from pile A to pile B and well, you get the point. That is what is meant by not living up to your potential.

By your very own design, you are creating your very own failures by circling back, and abandoning your ideas. Why that is, only you can discover. What you do with it, is up to you. But in order to move on from this, you have to allow yourself to look deep inside yourself and ask WHY HAVEN'T I, WHY DON'T I. And no one likes to do that. But it is so neccessary.

Most important of all, be gentle with yourself. You house a brilliant mind, but you also house a personality that can do great damage to yourself by creating too high of expectations, setting yourself up for misery and malcontent. It is not okay to ignore the root cause of your inaction, or perceived limitations. You need to know what these are in order to move on. But it is okay to take the time, and nurture the new things you discover. It is okay not to have a plan set in stone. It is okay to take time to achieve your goals. It is okay to change your mind. And if an idea is important enough to you, the journey to becoming it, where ever it may take you and however long it may take, should be just as rewarding.

I say this to you with such conviction because I do the exact same thing. And I want to change that. And it sucks. I see parts of myself where I wonder if I am so flawed then why do I bother? Because I am driven towards a goal, but I won't achieve it if I don't address these issues first. And those flaws, the discovery of them and the changing of them are essential to that achievement. And the IDEA is important enough to me that I am willing to sort through this shit to get there. I am energized, I am inspired. I am also scared. But as long as I remember that I am in control of my action, my life, hell my universe, I'll stay somewhat sane, and actually achieve my goal in my heart. Then, I can say I AM it.

Eff! You see!? Kay! Let's eat Soup!

Fucking tomato soup sucks. Not the tastiness sucks, but the "Lemme land on your blue (pale) blue sweater right about the boob area and leave a nice splooshy mark. My tomatoey sploosh mark. Mwah! I love boob splooshing on pretty blue sweaters! Now I am going to be cold too! YAY!" Fuck you tomato soup. Imunnaeachoo.

Well. Its Friday. Thank Fuck. Oh, I forgot to mention, this post is brought to you by the word FUCK. Children and easily offended people? Don't read. Or read, just don't expect me to care whether you are offended by my profanity or not. Or insanity. Or my hate for the tomato soup right now. HATE!

FUCK!

Actually, contrary to what this post may seem like, I AM actually in a relatively good mood! I am posting late (note the time, it's after 2pm) because I have been busy. Yes. Busy. Not working (well a little bit working), but, yup you guessed it: Planning.

Fuck, planning is intense. Needless to say, my plan has kept the same structure, just the stuff I am putting into the structure is different. Not much different, but it's varying. I even created an acronym for the things that am planning on putting into this 'Stucture' - it's RARY.

Oh. What could she mean!?

Each letter stands for something. Duh, that's what an acronym is. Yup. Each letter. Stands. For. Something. Funnily enough, I have mentioned these 4 things on a number of occasions in the past. Now I am actually looking at them. Not right now of course, I am looking at a computer screen right now.

Although... mwhahaahaa.

You'll never know.

The person who can guess what each letter stands for (and you have to get all 4) gets to pour tomato soup onto my boob "area" while I am wearing a pale blue shirt. Because you and the soup would just love that, wouldn't you!

I don't have to work this weekend! Woo! So!?
Have a fucking awesome weekend!

Gee, I wonder what this post is about...

Today was part one of the plan. And part one? Was well executed in my opinion. It went, shall we say, SMMOOOOOOTHLY.

So, this plan I have. Its working. And this time instead of like LAST time, and the TIME BEFORE THAT, and the time BEFORE that - that, I have devised an END PLAN or what we commonly call a GOAL, and have created several path plans that lead to this said END PLAN. Today was step one of END PLAN PLAN A. Flow charts are coming and a nifty DVD where DC will demontrate the creation of a hidden easter egg. Which will BE the hidden easter egg. Ooh. Nifty.

I guess since I have done the first part of Plan A to achieve END PLAN, I can talk a little bit about it. I had an interview with a Theatre Company here in Vancouver, one that some of us *ahem, Student. AHEM* have worked with quite regularly, in fact *ahem* La Student, the person who interviewed me today *ahem* was (is?) your boss for a long time *ahem* and this person has a crazy dog that liked to lie down in the middle of the road when it wanted to be carried. I can't for the life of me remember its name.

So yes, I had an interview. It went well. I won't know the outcome until later next week. I'll keep you posted.

And there is Part A of ENDPLAN PLAN B (not to be confused with the emergency contraceptive pill) that will be happening later this month. I will be posting about that after it happens. And then there is Part B of EPPB that will be happening sometime in September or October, depending on financial situations. I am very excited about this part of the plan (B). And then there is Part C of EPPB and well we don't know if that will happen, because of EPPA... you see where I am heading with this?

There is a PLAN C but time is running out quickly for that to happen and so, EPPC is just a back up file in case something comes up and it needs to be filed. I like filing.

In other, unplanned News:

I went and hung out with DC and the Teacher yesterday, drinking icy frozen slushy things and looking at magazines. I was on the hunt for magazines that involved EPPB and had no luck. However, I did get dropped off at the Chapters by my house on Granville and Broadway and found without a hitch EXACTLY what I was looking for.

I am going to be meeting another member of The Audiophile's family tonight, I am looking forward to it. If he's anything like the others that I have met, I am expecting to be busting a gut.

And as I am sure you all know, the Teacher has finished school and is a full fledged teacher now. So lets all yell HURRAH for the Teach, and buy her apples.

You may also notice nifty new things on my blog, like the COMMENTS. These comments were brought to you by the ingenious syntax skills of Mr. DC. Even some of the phrases too. I thought that it would make it a little more fun. Comments just by itself is a little tiresome. And I mean come on. You won't know what is going to be next or how long it will go, and because I know how to change it all up, I can ALWAYS keep y'all on yer toes.

Music to get all up on your toes with?

Postal Service - Give Up

Cosmic Contemplation of Ass

So! I have continued motivation. I am glad to see that this is not a momentary thing, like being drunk. Although, I am sure by now I am in some sort of perma drunk state. In fact? Most likely.

I started some of the implimentations of my plans yesterday. Took a look at this, dealt with that, got the ball rolling on that thing over there, you know what I mean.

Normally I am the type of person (Type, Christ. Okay, we have GOT to stop categorizing ourselves here) that as soon as she has a plan, BOOM the entire world knows about it. And what happens? Nothing.

...

Well, that's it, that's what I mean, NOTHING happens. The plan sits inside on the shelf never to see the light of day again. So THIS time, I am exercising that silence (sort of) and (trying) not to tell anyone what the deal is. And actively doing those things that I need to do, and THEN tell the world when I have done them. It's really hard. Especially when some of the things won't happen for a while, and then it'll take a while... and then, well by then you will all know because I would have told you by then. There were a lot of 'thens' in that sentence.

Right. So. Things in place, sort of. Things rolling in a good rolling fashion (you can really see that I am SQUIRMING to just belch out what I am going to be doing. I think partly because y'all will want to be participants eventually). (no, it is not a sex party, sorry.).

In other, less exciting (because I am SO exciting), but fairly exciting news:

Yo La Tengo is coming to town in October! I am so stoked! I think it's to do with the launch of their new album I Am Not Afraid of You and I Will Beat Your Ass (how could you NOT want to be in the same room as people who make albums and call them this? Screw the music! Its all about the packaging! [I am KIDDING]). The Audiophile bought an album of theirs and I fell in love, love, LOVE. He's seen them before, and is definitely all over seeing them again with moi.

And even more exciting, when I was talking with Mr. Fort St. John, he told me that he will be opening up for Greg MacPhearson in Fort. St. John. Um, HELLO? That is so fucking awesome I said fuck. And it looks like we are going to try and orchestrate something so we three can unite again and wreak havoc upon the earth. Well actually the two of them will wreak the havocness, I'll just moderate and make sure no one loses an eye.

I tried to get a hold of my school to write the suplemental exam. they sent the form out apparently in an email and wanted it back before the 8th of August. So, yesterday (that being the 8th, yes I AM a procrastinator) I emailed them first thing in the morning (which would be before noon their time) saying I don't have this form (I checked and they never sent the damn form), but want to take the exam. I get no response. I re send it a few hours later, and still no response. I think that sucks. I think they suck. But then that isn't a nice thing to say.

So instead we will sit and contemplate the cosmos a little more. And because the state of the world is such ass, go out and hug all those people you love so dearly. Because even though we live in a place where it is unlikely that they won't come home for dinner or that the place they have dinner at is no longer there, it's a possibility, I suppose. So, to all my friends? *HUG*

The Phoenix is on the rise.

Tada!

Sorry folks, as you may know I don't blog on the weekends, and because it was a long weekend, well that is one less day this week of readershipness - ness, oh you get the point. Sorry.

Well, first off. I want to say thank you to DC for taking me under his wing-a-ling Friday afternoon. Friday afternoon? Was HORRIBLE. The day from hell. I honestly think that my psyche cracked just a little? And lots of aura was falling out and I just freaked, like some kind of non-plumber expert watching in horror as her toilet overflows. *Ahem* yes. There was shit flying everywhere.

But the point. Yes the point. DC is awesome. Him and I had an incredibly revealing conversation (Not the clothing kind, you know, like those conversations: "I'll show you mine if you show me yours..." No. Not that kind of revealing.) over some rye and (terrible!) ginger.

As you all may have noticed I have been somewhat DE-Motivated. Or LIMSMO, or whatever the hell you want to call it. Inactive, stuck in a rut, demotivated, LAZY? That, and other things to take into consideration, like certain relationships I keep because I feel I am obligated to maintain them, and yet at the same time see the horrible detremental effect they have on me. There is nothing worse that realizing that the relationship you keep is truly killing everything inside of you, until you are a giant weepy mess, and yet you do nothing to stop it, because you feel obligated to carry on. WTF? That is truly messed up. And the DC and I, we analyzed it. We tore it apart, searching for answers.

And the beautiful Teacher, and her mountains of fabric, and joy of spending DC's money on onion rings. Truly an inspiring woman. Even just looking at her gets me motivated. By the time I saw her on Friday however, I was EXHAUSTED. And so? Not much fun was I, but she still smiled at me and told me about her journeys that day and I just felt happy.

Then Saturday, I met up with The Audiophile. And we talked, and we cried. And he told me that I am so smart and capable of some many things and that he wants to see me thrive (I know what that really actually means now [come on, we all have words we use and don't really know what they mean... if you say you don't, I think you are lying.])! Thanks Teacher!). He told me it makes him sad to watch me crumble under the relationship I have with certain people in my life, and that they make me so miserable. I told him what I learned about myself over the last 24 hours, and what I needed to do with my time. My precious, precious time. People! Your time is precious! Don't just give it away!

I even talked to Mr. Fort St. John. He told me to get on it. To do it, because that is what I am good at. He was so happy for me, and my discovery. No judgement. No criticism. Nothing. Him, The 'Phile, DC, and the Teacher. These are people who emulate inspiration in its purest form. Even good ol' Sensitive Tan, he's inspiration too. I saw him Saturday evening, and he just oozes inspiration.

I can't be afraid. And that is it folks. Fear. Fear is what stops me. I fear failing. I fear losing that momentum to be successful. I fear burning out. But I can't let that keep me anymore. So what!? If it is important to you, you will rise above it.

And so, I have a plan. I have motivation.



EDIT!!!!!

I totally forgot to mention that I met Irene (of FLIB-ur-tee-jib-it fame, and DC's co worker) on Friday too! HI IRENE!!!! We had never met (only via the internet) until that point. What a great way to meet a person IN PERSON for the first time. Right in the middle of an aura spill. Now you know why I was such a mess of energy! I even said to Dave, "Oh great, she probably thinks I am a crazy frantic socially awkward psycho." But no, just had a messy spill is all. I am better now. (AND, I think you, Ms. FLIB-ur-tee-jib-it, will quite like what my plan is.). The revealing of this plan?

Soon.

That's a real Spliffy shirt you've got on there.

I had another strange dream last night. And no, I am not eating cheese. Or at least an obscene amount of cheese, mostly because I can't afford it. A block of cheese is expensive man!

So, the dream, right. Oh, and I haven't finished that list. But I will get on with that in a moment.

So, I am running along Henning Street in Burnaby, and there is this woman I have never met who was with me. We seem to be running for a bus. But for some reason there is an empty rusted out pool/water treatment pool thing in the way. The other girl jumps it, and I decide to go around. There are people around and they are oooh-ing at the other girl's jump, and sort of glaring at me for walking around. When I get to the other side I chastise the people for putting someone down because they chose to be safe and walk around (sort of when your friends snicker at you because you choose to walk to the corner and cross a busy intersection, rather than darting across in the middle...). And this girl (I will call her Emily) she backs me up 100% and we catch the 129 because I needed to meet the Audiophile somewhere in Burnaby.

So I am on the bus and somehow it becomes this house. And we decide to cook. While we are cooking it becomes apparent that we are now at a ski lodge or something and I have a cold. We also get fixated on the notion that we are actually contestants of a contest similiar to a Reality T.V. show that features people living in houses, and we try to 'act' as normal as possible without letting them know that we know about the cameras (Yeah, I know. Weird.). Well the producers catch on and the house which is actually a prop is taken down as we are praised for our ability to realize that we were being filmed because they worked so hard at making sure we didn't know. So I decide to visit the Doctor on site and am chatting with a surfer in a green t-shirt while I wait. I get inside and my Doctor is there and he is all chatty because I haven't seen him in a while. I say this (which is weird because it's actually true) 'I want to know if my Thyroid is up to snuff, I went and saw another doctor because he was closer, but I feel I would like to get a second opinion. Will you help me out?' and the Doctor says 'Sure.' and rolls a joint and starts smoking it. We go for a walk because he wants some cookies and well, there you have it.

MEME of things to come

I know, I know it's not the scribbly list you want to see, but whatev, suck it up. I stole this from Queen of Napville who stole it from Lori who stole it from I Have No Name who stole it from... well you get it.

9 Lasts...
1. Last place you were: On the Bus.
2. Last drug used: Advil liquid gel caps for the squidgy in my ear.
3. Last beverage: Water
4. Last kiss: The Audiophile
5. Last movie seen: 2046
6. Last phone call: The Audiophile
7. Last cd played: Iron & Wine - Our Endless Numbered Days
8. Last bubble bath: 3 or 4 months ago.
9. Last time you cried: Aproximately 20 hours ago (I cry a lot, okay?).

8 Have You Evers...
1. Have you ever dated someone twice: Yes. But I could be all romantic and be like 'It's like a 1 year first date...' but no. I won't because I am feeling cranky.
2. Have you ever been cheated on: Yes.
3. Have you ever kissed somebody and regretted it? See above.
4. Have you ever fallen in love: Oh have I ever. Especially right now.
5. Have you ever lost someone: Yes, my Grandpa when I was 4. I didn't talk for 2 weeks straight and still get teary eyed when I think of him.
6. Have you ever been depressed: As in 'Geeze life sucks?' Yes. As in 'Geeze, I need help?' Yes.
7. Have you ever been out of the country: I have! 4 different countries to be exact.
8. Have you ever been on TV: I sure have. I did this television segment on alternative food sources, and I made pizza with crickets and mealworms as the toppings. And then I ate it.

7 States You've Been To...
1. Washington
2.Oregon
3. Montana
4. Arizona
5. Nevada
6. Idaho
7. And I FLEW over COLORADO and UTAH. Surely that counts.

6 Things You've Done Today...
1. Reset my alarm.
2. Ran for the bus.
3. Received my package for my bookkeeping.
4. Blogged.
5. Did some banking (and almost cried).
6. Went for a walk.

5 Favorite Things...
1. The record player the Audiophile gave me. (that's what I cried over yesterday.)
2. When someone 'gets it' and they are the only one.
3. Good quality toilet paper (I know, TMI but Whatev.)
4. Hawkers Lamb Curry with Rice
5. Getting that early morning roll over snuggle from The Audiophile.

4 People You Can Tell Almost Anything...
1. The Audiophile
2. My Mother (believe it or not)
3. DC
4. Mr. Fort St. John

3 Favorite Colors...
1. Blue
2. Orange
3. White

2 things you want to do before you die...
1. Forgive myself.
2. Forgive others.

1 thing you regret...
1. Nothing because all things that I have done were choices I made and the concequences I just simply must accept, good or bad.

Because I think too hard.

I paid off that stupid parking ticket yesterday. Part of me wanted to pay in pennies (that would be 5 thousand, 5 hundred pennies please) and ship it via Collect; another part of me wanted to write a cheque for the amount of 54 dollars and 49 cents and attach a note stating that 'You can collect the 51 cents from the Postal Service of Canada.' But no, I didn't. Instead I vented anger by slamming my 'POSTED' stamp on the invoice they sent me and sent it back to them with my cheque where I had written 'Fifty Five Dollars ONLY ---------- xx/100' because they will sense the anger I had from the stamp and the giant ONLY I furiously scribbled on the Cheque.

Last night, as I was sitting in my dark apartment wondering when the water would stop spewing out of my kitchen sink, I noticed that when I yawned there was this squelching noise inside my left ear. I poked at it a bit under the earlobe; plugged my nose and tried to pop the air out of my ears; brought my shoulder up to my ear and sort of squiggled about - only to aggrevate the squishy sound in my ear even more. And now? I have a dull ache deep inside the canal of my ear. I don't know if it is as a result of the squidgy sounds (and therefore an EAR INFECTION -EW EW EW) or if the ache is as a result of basically trying to cram my entire left arm into my ear through my neck. I will have to wait and see, and will keep you posted.

I seem to have moved on from being depressed to being slightly motivated. The trouble is I am motivated but I don't know what I am motivated about. I find this feeling very strange. Almost like a disembodied sort of motivation. Floating Head Motivation (ooh, cause for the ear ache??).

So what does a person do in this limbo state of motivation (now refered to as LIMSMO) and how do they climb out of LIMSMO (there is this fabulous voice in my head everytime I write LIMSMO - sort of an echoey deep booming circa 1950's Atomic Family Advertisement for Vacuums voice) in order to be just Motivated? I guess part of my problem is I have a lot of things in mind that I would like to be doing, and very little idea as to how to achieve even some of them. I also fear that because I am so completely dissatisfied with my current position, I will come up with ideas that sound GREAT! AWESOME! SO WHO I AM! THRIVE! THRIVE!!!! BECAUSE BECOMING A PARASAILING INSTRUCTOR WOULD BE SOOOO YOU! Sure it would be.

(I am so kidding)

So folks, it is LIST TIME! The List that destroyed LIMSMO!! *waves flag* I'm going to create a list of all the things I can do, want to do, not want to do, where I want to be, what I want to be (gotta be me!) and well you get the picture.

...

*scribble scribble*

...

*scribble*

Yeah, I'll post it, don't worry.


Music to be motivated by (been a while):

Spiritualized: Ladies and Gentlemen We Are Floating In Space.

Ah. That's Why...

Because you always wanted to know what the G really stands for.

YES! I have no bananas...!

Well, Actually I do. Oh! No more banana.

My goodness folks, I didn't post yesterday (oh, I just wrote ipost. ipost. Hmmm... aw, dammit. ipost already exists.). And alas, there are numerous reasons as to why. You wanna know? Huh? HUH? Okay, I'll tell you, but only if you sit quietly. Okay. That's good.

First: The Audiophile's sister and husband were in town until yesterday morning, and needless to say, I think they are fan-fucking-tastic. They are so awesome, and so much fun (hello! Black Hair!). But because of their visit and my having to work a bit on Sunday, I didn't really get to relax like I had hoped. Especially after discovering I failed my exam, had a hellish time with the other job, and am currently suffering from total and utter job dissatisfaction with primary job. Oh, and the fact that I worked nearly 65 hours last week (The Student has worked many of these and more, and I don't know how she did it. My guess is she doesn't either.).

Second: We (The 'Phile, Wee Sis, her Hubby and I) were going to take a nice drive to Lynn Valley on Sunday afternoon but it seems that after I had put in 30 dollars worth of gas, and paid 200 dollars in insurance on Saturday, my car decided that it didn't want to work (and still doesn't). AND since I am not a BCAA member (yet) I will have to pay to get it towed, and Lord only knows how much it will cost to get it to run again. I suspect it will be one of those situations where I will go in for the starter and I will find out that not only does that not work, but pretty much everything else too. I am so devestated I just ... *sniff* cue bawling.... now.

Third: The 'Phile, because of his recent trip, has received significantly less this pay period and is quite upset. Mostly because he worked so much over time but they didn't pay him the OT rate because he fell under that 40hr/week line. He also needed (read: Wanted. I tried to talk him out of it) to pay me back for some things, and so I could break somewhat even and buy a bus pass (I was trying to convince him I could walk to and from work all August). So I felt like a twat needing to take his money to pay for a pass so I can take the bus so I could go make money that would just end up paying for the means to get to work, so I can make money so that I can simply go to work, so that... oh, you get the point.

Fourth: I got a collections letter in the mail! Whoo! Yes, apparently if you don't pay your parking tickets within 2 months of receiving it, you get sent to collections! I am SO glad to see that the City of North Vancouver has so much free time and money to spend that it can come after me, threaten to RUIN MY CREDIT RATING and all for 55 dollars. Yes. 55 DOLLARS. Or perhaps they are so desperate for cash that they need to beat it out of me through psychological violence. Needless to say, I don't have 55 dollars, but thank you VISA for providing me with borrowed money. Oh! Lookit! Number FIVE!

Fifth: I am totally and utterly overdrawn on my VISA (See number 1, 2, 3 and 4!), so much to the point that I should just declare Bankrupcty.

Sixth: I have found out other things about other accounts that are mine and that Asshat The Wasband and needless to say, I am just about ready to call it in, take it over and get rid of it. Then maybe after I will sue or something. Or just pretend that that whole thing with the marriage and such never existed.

Seventh: Good god, there's seven? Oh, yes. It ties in with number 2. I won't as a result of all this shit be able to go on a holiday. Enter nervous breakdown... now.

Eight: I spent less money this month on me than any other month, and I have less than I have ever had before. And I just applied for a job that will pay me LESS annually (like 8000 dollars less) because it is the only way I am going to get into the industry I want. YAY!

However, dispite all of these HORRENDOUS things going on (y'all are probably thinking, geeze. Get a grip. Well I have, it just happens to be tightly around a stick I want use to beat something with.), I am doing fine. I am tired and grouchy and had a good cry yesterday; think I look fabulous with my newly dyed locks and mid month is only 13 days away and I should be able to put most of this crap where it needs to go in order to take care of this HUGE and OVERWHELMING but really managable situation.

So. Yes. I have no bananas. But I have no bananas in my lovely home I made sure I paid for. Or car I made sure I paid for. Or on the bus (because I have a bus pass! Made sure!). Or at work (because I have a job!). It could be way worse. I could have NO BANANAS and NO PLACE TO PUT THEM.

This post it brought to you by the letter 'R'

(the 'R' stands for Ravishing don't you know)

I have been sucked into the black vortex of celebrity/sibling pressure. Not my sibling, because after me my parents didn't need to continue breeding (Perfection! Right! Here!), but the Audiophile's youngest and sweetest sibling who was (and still is) visiting with her lovely husband.

It involved a little box with 3 bottles in it, a 25 minute wait time and a DRASTIC difference in results ( I keep spelling RESLUT, what the hell does that mean?). Oh, and it's void of any colour (If you don't know your colour theory, that's black).

Yes, instead of looking like the lovely Debbie Harry of Blondie fame? I now look like Joan Jett. And yes, baby. I love rock n' roll.

MEME.

I stole this from DM, a friend of The Teacher. I loved hers and it cheered me up. So, in need of good cheer, here I go (my answers are in italics)!

MEME-OLOGY

GRUB-OLOGY

What is your salad dressing of choice? Ranch with lots o' bacon.
What is your favorite fast food restaurant? I am not a fan of fast food. If I had to choose it would be Wendy's.
What is your favorite sit down restaurant? Either Nyala or The Main, on you guessed it: Main St.
On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant? Depends on the service. Always at least 15%, generally between that and 20%.
What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? Considering I only eat maybe once a day, sushi.
Name three foods you detest above all others. Liver, liver and onions and liver.
What is your favorite dish to order in a Chinese restaurant? Kung Pao Chicken
What are your pizza toppings of choice? Tomatoes, Green Peppers, Mushrooms and Black Olives.
What do you like to put on your toast? Peanut butter and strawberry Jam
What is your favorite type of gum? Whatever The 'Phile chews. Excel or some shit.

TECH-OLOGY

Number of contacts in your cell phone? About 75
Number of contacts in your email address book? Not about 75, maybe 12 or so.
What is your wallpaper on your computer? At work, the moon. At home a picture of The 'Phile giving me a kiss on my birthday.
What is your screensaver on your computer? At work a scroll that says 'If you can see this then I haven't touched my computer in 10 minutes.' I often see that. At home, it's that Windows XP thing that flits about the screen.
Are there naked pictures saved on your computer? Um, hello? Is the Pope Catholic?
How many land line phones do you have in your house? Well, I have 1 land LINE and 2 Handsets or phones. Plus one phone for the intercom. But this is a funny question to me. If you asked how many phones (just phones) do I have in the house I would have to say 5. I've got intercom phones all over the place that aren't useful anymore, but would ruin the walls of the apartment if they were removed so the owner just left them.
How many televisions are in your house? One.
What kitchen appliance do you use the least? The oven. I hate cooking in the oven.
What is the format of the radio station you listen to the most? I only listen to internet radio, and only at work. I personally dislike the radio. Oh, but in the car I listen to CBC Radio 2.
How many sex toys do you own that require batteries? Well, wouldn't you like to know, you filthy bastards. One.

BI-OLOGY

What do you consider to be your best physical attribute? My Ass. I have a great ass. And eyes. great eyes too.
Are you right handed or left handed? Legally I am right handed, secretly I am left handed.
Do you like your smile? Yeah. I have been told I have a killer smile.
Have you ever had anything removed from your body? Wisdom Teeth.
Would you like to? Yes, the implant the government has put into the back of my skull.
Do you prefer to read when you go to the bathroom? I spend a lot of time there so, yes. Yes I do.
Which of your five senses do you think is keenest? I have this crazy sense of smell, and a crazy sense of hearing too. I can hear my cellphone vibrate in the other room when the stereo is on, and smell the corroding battery as it happens.
When was the last time you had a cavity? Never had one thus far.
What is the heaviest item you lift regularly? My purse.
Have you ever been knocked unconscious? Yes I have, by my boss. We were playing softball and I was the back catcher and he was the pitcher. He was such a fucking moronic over competitive twat that as soon as the person fouled the ball, he ran full speed towards me and knocked me off my feet, and out cold. We were on the same fucking TEAM!

MISC-OLOGY

If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? Yes, I would. That way I can get all my shit together, say sorry to the people I want to say sorry to, and spend quality time with my loved ones. Sad hey, that I have to know when I am going to die before I do any of that.
If you could change your first name, what would you change it to? I have already done that once. But if I were to do it again? Um... Ceres.
How do you express your artistic side? I tell stories. Draw. Make monkeys out of yarn.
What color do you think you look best in? Blue!
How long do you think you could last in a medium security prison? Having never been sent to prison but have visited people in prison (this was in the UK)? Not long at all.
Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake? Not in my adult life, although I am sure I had when I was a kid.
If we weren’t bound by society’s conventions, do you have a relative you would make a pass at? Ew, and moving on (I guess I am still bound by society's conventions. Boy do those run deep!)
How often do you go to church? I am sorry, What?
Have you ever saved someone’s life? I think so. I tried anyway.
Has someone ever saved yours? I am still here because of the many good people in my life.

DARE-OLOGY
For this last section, if you would do it for less or more money, indicate how much.
Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000? Show me the money, and I will show you my ass.
Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100? Who says I haven't already??
Would you have sex with a member of the same sex for $10,000? Nope.
Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000? Nope.
Would you never blog again for $50,000? Hell No.
Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000? Yup. But only with myself or with my partner.
Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000? I am with DM on this one. Hell No, I don't need a gut ache or acid reflux for only $1000. Boo!
Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000? Nope. Even if I really wanted to, I wouldn't be able to do it.
Would you shave your head and get your entire body waxed for $5,000? I probably would yeah. In fact to cash in good? I would walk a half mile down a public street naked, to the salon to get waxed and shaved so I could sport a fabulous wig and be squeaky clean for my naked spread in the magazine.
Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000? A year? Yeah, probably.

Wee! It's time to go home! Check y'all laters, have a great weekend.

I see Paris, I see France

I had an extraordinary dream last night, involving a dinner party with my friends, a hot pink cell phone and Paris Hilton beating me with a shoe. She kept hitting me in the head with it, saying something about me looking at her funny. And I just stood there because I couldn't quite get over how her hair never moved.

I haven't quite figured out the significance , but if anyone feels they want to interpret it, by all means. I personally am at a loss.

So, I am still TOTALLY bummed about my failing the accounting course. And I figured out what percentage I would have received in order to have failed that exam. I needed to get 50% on the exam to achieve 65% exactly (which is what you need to pass) so, lets do the math here. And, Dave? If I am wrong, feel free to correct me. My ego is destroyed, so it wouldn't phase me in the least.

SO!

Gwyabella receives 80% of the 30% total mark that she needs. (or 24/30).

Which means that: The remaining 70% has to equal what? Well, I am too fucking math illiterate so, lets just subtract 52 from 24 and well we get 28. That is what I got out of 70. Which works out to 40%. I needed 7 more marks to get a pass. 7 marks. Each question was like 10-15 marks. Okay, slowly this realization is making me want to hurl. Moving on...

In fact, moving on from this post entirely.

DEEEEE-pressing.

Well, That blows Goats.

Well folks. I failed my accounting course.

*sigh*

I got 52%. Sadly, this is not what they want. They want 65% or higher. Well, shits. However, because I am TOTALLY positive, I can write the supplemental EXAM, because I didn't get less than 49%! Thank god for 3%.

Really, this blows. And makes me really sad. But what the hell did I expect. I barely studied, I just had to move during this hectic time, and deal with other shit I don't really want to get into, so hey. At least I retained half. I mean, that's a whole text book! Yes, this course comes with 2 full textbooks. In fact? It is 2 courses in one, spread over a lovely 10 weeks. Yup, in University you would get to do one of the two in 16 weeks. Ah, yes. So. Look on the bright side Gwynabella. You at least didn't cave in so far that you can't take the supplemental exam. YAY. *waves flag, looking totally dejected. Totally*

And yes. I cried.

Funny, I think I am going to talk about Gwynabella and her crying. See, I am quite the sensitive lass. I get teary eyed over just about anything. Some people are really uncomfortable by how easily I cry, but I have learned that it's okay to cry.

See, we live in this funny world where crying is considered a form of manipulation. Sadly, they who decides this, are correct. But only to some degree. I have my share of baggage, sure just as everyone else does. And rather than getting angry, I cry. So. If I am having a row with someone, and I get REALLY ANGRY? I cry. Because I would so much rather weep than punch them in the face. And although in the moment they may resent me for crying, because they feel I am trying to make them feel bad? I am really doing them a service by not making them feel really bad. With potential broken bones. Or ear drums. I'd mostly yell. And maybe flail a bit. But all in all, it's really ugly behaviour. I'd rather cry.

So, I am not hitting random objects in my house because I just watched 1300 dollars go down the toilet. I am simply crying.

I'll be in my room if anyone needs me.

*sniff*

OH SHITTY, SHITTY DAY

Well, the post blog award party was fabulous. It involved me having severe stomach aches and something like the bends. And not being able to eat. Because it would then want to be expelled from my body. Sadly folks I am not talking about spewing. Yeah, I know, TMI but shit (er), we all do it. Get over yourselves.

So as a result of my erm, shitty morning/afternoon/evening, I was quite exhausted and dehydrated and so I stayed home for half the day. I planned on being at work for 12:00 or a little after. So I left my house at 11:20am. The was decided because I leave my house during rush hour at 7:56am to be exact and get to work on time. Usually. I mean, there have been some days where I have been around 10 minutes late. Whatever.

So! I continue on my sojourn to the bus at a quarter after 11 and lo, I wait. And wait. And wait. Oh, lookey! There goes the third 99 B-Line, and YET! No bus for me! Joy!

So, it looks to be 11:40am. And HELLO BUS to BOUNDARY! So excited. And then not, because there was a very disgruntled and screaming child on the bus who would not shut up, and because I have been reading blogs that describe how they USED to be like that, and then they had children and oh, the mortification of realizing that you were one of those people who would glare at the poor mother trying to understand the 'BWhaaaahaaaaaawWAAA WHAAAAAAAAAA SCREEACHING SCREAMING WHAAAWHAAAAAWHAAA NAILS ON A CHALK BOARD' sounds being emitted from such a tiny body, I felt really bad for thinking 'SHUT UP CHILD, MOTHER DO SOMETHING' because the poor woman was trying so hard. She even whipped out the boob to feed the screaming spawn, and much to her dismay the babe just slapped the thing and wailed some more. I think the mom wailed too. I would, if my tit was slapped by anyone. Especially if breastfeeding makes them hurt as much as I hear it does. OUCH.

So, finally the mother got off the bus, and not that kind of FINALLY geeze, but more thank god, the mother can actually do something for her babe instead of being held hostage by all the glares on the bus (wait, whoa. Back this bus up. I am actually being sympathetic to mothers with SCREAMING CHILDREN? What the hell is happening to me????). And then suddenly we are turning off of Broadway onto Commercial. Um, dude. You are supposed to go to Boundary. Oh, and I haven't told you what time it is yet! It's now 10 past 12. That's right. It took as long as it does for me to get to work during RUSH HOUR, but um, I am only half way there. FUCK!

So, I get off the bus, and wander to the Boundary Road Bus Stop (BRBS), and while I am waiting at the BRBS a woman gets shat on by a large pigeon. Notice that the word pigeon has pig in it? Yeah, well this woman had more shit on her than I have ever seen in my entire life. It was all over her shoe, her sweater, her pants... Luckily it missed her head. It would have taken her out if it did, I swear. Oh, and the time now is 12:20pm. What, that's an hour after I left my house! Why, I could have walked here in that time.

So, waiting and waiting. And finally at 12:28pm, the bus decides to show up. As I am getting on the bus I look at the schedule. And Lo! The bus that I was on, I am CERTAIN was supposed to go to Boundary. It was due at that stop just minutes before. And I can tell you? No bus came at that time. I think the bus driver fucked up. Eh, whatever.

Anyway. I get on the bus. And it is fairly uneventful. I get off the bus (see, not really exciting) and I get to work. At 1:00pm. And worst off? The internet was down. Oh, the internet was down.

I cried.

Seriously. I don't have anything to do there, my only distraction from realizing that I don't do anything at all for a third of my 24 hour day is the internet. I don't understand people who say they would love a job where they get paid to do nothing. I can tell you right now. The novelty wears off REALLY fast.

So, now I am at home, resting from what seems to be a fairly SHITTY DAY.


Oh, and now my neighbours are arguing. Fun.

Oh! OH! I won blog of the MONTH from Wellipsis! YAY ME!

BLOG AWARD DAY

Today, I have decided that every fourth Monday of the month will be Blog Award Day.

There will be three categories:

Blog of the Month: You know, because its one that you read EVERYDAY and can't get enough of.

It can be 'Pro' Blogs or Amateur Blogs. Your blog can only be Blog of the Month once every 6 months. Why? Because I say so.

Best Randomly Found Blog: This is a blog, RANDOMLY found that you want to go back to and read. They then qualify for the Blog of the Month the following month.

The only problem with this one is it might have been seen before by you readers out there. But whatever, if I haven't seen it, its new to me.

Hot Blog: Yup. Totally gratuitous. Wow, you? Have a hot blog. You can qualify as both Hot Blog and Best Randomly Found Blog AT THE SAME TIME. Dude, you would be so cool then.

Boobie Blog: This award goes to a blogger YOU PERSONALLY KNOW (either in person or via commenting) who neglects to blog regularly. This award is also full of the most love, in a poking proding sort of way.

So! Let the Games begin!!!!



The award for BLOG OF THE MONTH goes to:

RANDOM SYNAPSES!! This sassy lass enjoys everything that starts with K. Except Wine, it doesn't start with a K, but secretly she pretends that it does so she can continue the drinking of (K)wine. Blogging regularly about her friends, her job and her run in with various flus and bugs, she is a top notch lady with awesome command of the English language and asterixes. Congratulations RANDOM SYNAPSES!!!

The award for BEST RANDOMLY FOUND BLOG goes to:

QUEEN OF NAPVILLE!!! Tag! Your Randomly Awesome!

The award for HOT BLOG goes to:

I HAVE NO NAME!! It's orange, it's got pictures and hey. IT'S ORANGE. HOT!!


The award for BOOBIE BLOG goes to:

WELLIPSIS!! Because he blogs maybe oh, 2 times a week. I mean, what. It's not like he's busy being the Treasurer of some Ultimate League, running clinics for Ultimate, really just being the DUDE of Ultimateness... or something. Not. At. All.

Boobie Blog to you DC!

And so concludes the Blog Awards.

I urge you all to do the SAME! Post about *your* Blogger of the Month, Random Awesomeness Blog, Hot Blog and Boobie Blog! 4th Monday of every Month!

EDIT!!!

I just want y'all to know, all the blogs that I post here I find incredibly interesting and wonderful to read. Random Blog I try to read at least 2 months worth of posts. Hot Blog may be about asthetics, however its content is what makes it even more hot (I can't believe I am referring to blogs as hot. But Hot Blog just sounds better than Pretty Blog, or Well Laid Out and Easy on the Eyes Blog... truly, I fret over the look of my blog constantly.). Almost all the blogs I read are of people who work and play really hard and are just trying to get by in this big crazy world. And so to you? Bravo.

This being said, these are my opinions. You all might disagree. But then? You could start your OWN Blog Awards! And then it would circle around the globe! And everyone would be giving awards to everyone else! And maybe then, when we're feeling a little sad or down, we know that someone out there is awarding us (maybe humbly, but awarding us nonetheless) with the praise that we deserve. Because yeah. It's hard out there sometimes.

*Sound of a lightbulb turning REALLY bright*

I have been thinking. *Uh-oh says the world* No really, I have. Effectively too, I will have you know.

Whoops, got mesmerized by flying candy on the television. Sorry. Where was I? Oh, right I was thinking...

I am pleased to report that I am feeling less blue! And the reason is because I just had a fantabulous conversation with my good friend Sensitive Tan about the projects we want to start in our lives. Listening to him talk about the goals he has set for him self always gets me going on what ideas I have sitting in my head. It's fabulous.

So, what are my plans? Well, I still want to get a house and a dog, which I have narrowed down to a few breeds, including the Irish Wolf Hound, because hey, who wouldn't want a dog who's top of their head comes to just under your shoulder.

And I am chewing on the idea of Arts Management, but more of a consultant. I love the arts and love helping others achieve their goals so why not help up and coming artists get their first few shows? Help them get the funding they need and the contacts they are looking for to help them achieve their dreams? I know, there is a lot more to it than just that. But it's a start. I may very well be onto something.

I finished the monkey. Unfortunately The 'Phile has the camera, but I promise, I will produce pics soon. He (She?) is so demented looking it is great.

So, what do you think a lightbulb turning REALLY bright sounds like anyway?

LIFE EXPERIENCES MEME

I stole this from Cynical Dad who I found on the Teacher's blogroll. Looked like fun, he's said 'You're supposed to take the following 150-item list and bold the items you've accomplished.' And so here it is! And just like him, my comments are in italics.


01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink - I hesitate to bold this, because I could have, but don't remember because I was drunk.
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain - Hello Grouse Mountain!
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula - my elementary school principal had a pet tarantula in his office, he named it Legs because she ate one of her legs off.
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said 'I love you' and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris - in 1995 on an exchange.
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights - I apparently have, but I was like 10 months old.
15. Gone to a huge sports game - I was going to see a footy game in Paris, but it was sold out. Does a BC Lions or Canucks game count?
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables - I helped my Grandma plant them, and I ate them does that count?
18. Touched an iceberg - Suprisingly no, considering I live in Canada.
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby's diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower - Thats how I fell asleep under the stars.
23. Gotten drunk on champagne - Oh having friends who loved to give you Champagne after your shows.
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope - Moons of Jupiter!
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment - I think I do most things at inappropriate moments, you know, because I am socially awkward that way.
27. Had a food fight - Probably, but I am not sure. Might have been drunk.
28. Bet on a winning horse - I plan on it. Takes a few times I hear.
29. Asked out a stranger - I gave this waiter my phone number and asked him to call me. We went out on a date and I got wasted and never heard from him again. Nice.
30. Had a snowball fight - I used to live in Alberta. I have had snowball fights in August.
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse - Of my heart...?
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking - I make it my personal mission to be the biggest asshat dancer on the planet.
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day - I adopted one for an entire 6 months!*
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment.
39. Had two hard drives for your computer - If it is where you put 2 C drives into your computer, then yes I have. One was mine and the other was the Wasbands'.
40. Visited all 50 states I haven't, but I've visited more states than provinces.
41. Taken care of someone who was shit faced - And they in turn have taken care of me.
42. Had amazing friends - HAD?! Still do thankyouverymuch.
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales - Grey Whales off of the West Coast of Vancouver Island in March of '06.
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe - I hesitate to bold this, but I guess I went to Europe and had a backpack..?
47. Taken a road-trip - Lets go to Prince RUPERT! FUN!
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach - Ucluelet, divine Ucluelet.
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them - In some of the Pubs in England you are forced to share with strangers because there isn't enough tables.
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow - Yes at Outdoor School. It was weird.
56. Alphabetized your cds - I used to work in a record store, it sort of stuck.
57. Pretended to be a superhero - I am always imaginarily saving the world.
58. Sung karaoke - I have won a karaoke contest!
59. Lounged around in bed all day - mmm, so delightful.
60. Posed nude in front of strangers - Does streaking across a concrete floor, slipping, landing on my ass and sitting there bawling infront of all my friends count as posing?
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain - I have, and it is one of my most cherished memories ever.
63. Played in the mud - My cousin and I would get grounded regularly for this.
64. Played in the rain - I live in Vancouver. That's pretty much expected here.
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business - I used to own my own Jewlery business. Still do too, I guess.
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken - Currently so far so good.
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married - February 21, 2004
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced - I still have to file, but more or less yes.
76. Gone without food for 5 days - Hello being poor in England!
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo - Three times to be exact!
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an "expert"
83. Got flowers for no reason - I was given a Peony for no reason other than the fact I like them.
84. Performed on stage - Used to be an actor!
85. Been to Las Vegas - Great story of flying to Mexico to find myself, running away scared of Mexico and having to go through Vegas enroute to Vancouver and getting stuck there for 24 hours.
86. Recorded music - I did a recording for a television show because the actors couldn't sing.
87. Eaten shark - My mom served it to me in 1987.
88. Had a one-night stand - It ended up that way because um, dude was weird.
89. Gone to Thailand - I bought a plane ticket to Thailand, but never went.
90. Bought a house - Bought a condo, but that was my house.
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently - And now I can't speak either at all
(That'd be both English and French)
95. Performed in Rocky Horror - On my lunch hour at school with my friends. I was Magenta.
96. Raised children
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
98. Created and named your own constellation of stars
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over - I moved from Norwich to London to start over. I ended up moving back to Norwich to start over, over.
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking -All the time. Usually the person looking is the driver. And its usually in awe of my butchering capabilities.
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived. Yeah.
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Petted a stingray - No, but they told me to leave Mexico!**
110. Broken someone's heart
111. Helped an animal give birth - I was too young, so I watched.
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone - i broke my baby toe kicking a door jam, I jumped up like a manwoman because it was snowing, I was trying to be all Kung Fu like.
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced - Nipples, the left one 2 times, the right only once, and the belly button. Currently only the left nipple and the belly button are pierced.
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse - On my Uncles farm. The horses name was Aquarius.
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon - No, but I flew over it.
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours - I was sick for a long time and one of the side effects of the illness was SLEEP. LOTS OF SLEEP.
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat - No, but I have eaten Alligator
127. Eaten sushi - Every day if I could afford it.
128. Had your picture in the newspaper - The North Shore News. For some 'Comment on the Street'
129. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about - As the Audiophile puts it: I don't really want to do that. But if it is truly important to you, I will do it for you.
130. Gone back to school - To become an actor. Now I am a bookkeeper and learning to be an accountant. Did I mention I failed Math 3 times?
131. Parasailed
132. Petted a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes - I have a strange family.
134. Read The Iliad and the Odyssey
135. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school and read - Catcher In the Rye. J.D. Salinger. Just finished it.
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions - Haven't had one yet. This years the big ONE - OH !
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language - I used to live with Japanese Exchange students when I was a child.
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language - it doesn't work!
141. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you - Made jewelry and sold it on line, never saw the people who purchased it.
145. Had a booth at a street fair - Wasn't on a street, but it was a fair and it was outside on a giant piece of property.
146: Dyed your hair - There was a running joke for a long time where noone knew what my natural haircolour was.
147: Been a DJ - Does taking over the stereo and playing only what I want make me a DJ?
148: Shaved your head
149: Caused a car accident - Yeah, I am a real head turner! HARHAR
150: Saved someone's life

* I lived in England and when I got back for about 6 months or so I clung to my accent like a babe to her mother's teat. It was the most ridiculous accent ever.

** I actually asked 'Mother Nature' to make things jump out of the water if I was to return back home from Mexico - and sting rays started flipping and flopping out of the water. Yeah, I know. Weird.

It looks like I have 76 of them marked off which means I have 50% life experience or better known as: half a life.


EDIT!!!!!
looks like I can bold 149 - I was a little kid and was with my aunt and mom and gran, and we caused a rearender because this guy stopped to see if we all needed a ride. So I have more than Half a Life!

Monkey Weather Puppy!

I believe the blues are slowly subsiding. Last night when I got home I started knitting up a little monkey doll for The 'Phile (he had requested one). It is the UGLIEST thing on the planet, and I love it. I'll take a picture of him, so you can see what he looks like. I am curious though. I call the monkey a 'He', I wonder if The 'Phile will call it a 'She'. I say this because when we were given plants as house warming gifts, I instantly started referring to his plant as a 'He', and The 'Phile then named it 'Molly'. Which is actually more fitting than 'Ferdinand' or 'George' or whatever it was that I called it.

But I will tell you, knitting is probably one of the most serene things for me to do, next to Yoga. I could knit for days if I didn't need to do things like sleep and eat and go pee.

I finally got all my work for the weekend from my other job. 9 months of invoicing, allocating and reconcilling from 4 different organizations. And its due on Tuesday. But my boss is totally cool with me taking my time (just not too much time) - I'll be checking in with her on Sunday and letting her know the diagnosis of the 9 months.

Of Bookkeeping. Not the incubation of 'Rabies'.

And I must say, I am greatful to have all this work because I do not want to be outside this weekend. It's supposed to reach 37 degrees - which is insane for the West Coast. I don't know if it will happen, I keep getting all sorts of different predictions, but I can tell you. It will be hot. So, be careful out there. Sit on a shady patio, drink MaiTai's and make sure you are well hydrated (with Water, not MaiTai's. Although come to think of it, that sounds not too bad either.).

I am planning on starting the research process for a dog. Yeah, I know. It's in a year. But I want to be PREPARED. I don't want to run out and be all like 'WHEEE! I am going to get a dog! Oh shits I don't know what to do! Oh, the dog is DEAD? I was supposed to do what?' Yeah, no.

My dog when I grew up was a Siberian Huskey. She was a beautiful dog. She was also a stray. We found her on our porch one summer day laying on the couch. My dad was all like 'WTF?' and him being the HUGE animal lover that he is, instantly fell in love with her. But also being the type of person he is, he checked for tattoos (she was a purebred) and lo, found the breeder tag or whatever they call it. So he rings them up and chats with the breeder for a bit, trying to track down the owner.

Turned out this dog was owned by a man who really shouldn't be owning any dog. His idea of caring for a dog, and especially a dog who's body is designed for cooler climates (this summer was a particularily hot one, similiar in fact to the one we're having now) was kicking open a bag of dog food, cutting open a jug of water and leaving her outside while he went away to California.

For six weeks. On Business.

He apparently was going to take her with him but he was told that the dog would probably DIE if he left her in the car, especially in California. So, hey. He figured leaving her outside in a yard with no cover for that length of time with all the food she could eat and what, at least some water was an excellent alternative to his original, brilliant idea.

So, being the smart ass dog that she was (and boy she was a smart ass) she dug a hole out from underneath the fence, crawled out and came over to our house. We lived a good distance away, which was why we had such a hard time figuring out where she came from. There weren't many Siberian Huskies around in our neighbourhood, and I don't think they were all that common then either. So, my Dad chatted with the breeder, who in turn eventually got a hold of the owner, who simply said 'Whatever, you can have her, I don't want her anymore anyway.' And so for the next 15 years we had this beautiful dog.

But my point is this: I don't want to turn into that guy. He probably didn't think he would be that guy either. He probably thought 'Hey a dog! What a novel idea!' and really had no idea what he was getting himself into. I want to understand fully the requirements for the breeds of dogs I am interested in having. Shasta was a Siberian Huskey. She needed to be cool, and walked ALOT. She needed a certain amount of tending to; her nails, her coat. She couldn't be let off the leash because she would bolt and never come back. She was a fairly high maintenance dog. And in this household, there can only be ONE high maintenance individual. Ya Dig?

Ass Kicking The Blues.

Still feeling blue today. Blue, blue, blue.

It's really quite ridiculous however, I mean I don't think I really have anything to be blue about. Sure, the Audiophile's gone out of town for a few days, but it's not like he hasn't done that before. I suppose it really is due to the fact I need to just get out of town myself. Poor 'Phile, he watched me breakdown practically when we had breakfast yesterday morning, and then I felt like a shit and didn't want him to think I was trying to make him feel bad about going to see his family.

Or maybe I feel blue because I suffer from total job dissatisfaction. Indeed I believe this is the major cause of blueness. I HATE my job. I hate it. I can't stand selling my time for such a mundane task. And certainly it isn't something I have just settled for and bitch about. I have tried escaping the monotony of this Uber Hellish Boring Job. But you try and explain to someone who is interviewing you why you really don't have a whole lot of work experience, especially between 2001 - 2005. That's 4 years. 4 years where I was out of the job force because I was too sick to work. And I can tell you honesty won't get you anywhere. They all think you had the plague or something, and that you might relapse.

So, I suck it up. I have the good fortune of having a second job, one that I can use to my advantage in trying to find my career, I think, for the rest (!) of my life. Or at least for a few years. And the UHB Job compensates well given the tasks at hand. I can't really complain in that department. Or can I? To what level of complete dissatisfaction are you supposed to endure before you can look and say 'SCREW THE PAY, it isn't WORTH IT!'

Or, maybe I am blue because I feel like I should be doing 'biological' things. Yes folks. Biological. Meaning? Starts with a 'B' and rhymes with 'RABIES'. Incidently I chose that word because I fear the 'B' word about as much as I do the 'R' word. If it became an issue that is. I don't actively fear either the 'B' or the 'R' in general, only in direct relation to moi. Yes, those 'rabies' are lovely and nice, but I am not interesting in hosting 'rabies'. But I am fully aware of this intense biological need to produce 'rabies'. And having the capability to rationalize a BIOLOGICAL reaction, kind of freaks me out a bit. I mean I think about it. That folks, if you know me, is fucked up.

Just for the record, I have no intentions of producing 'rabies' of any sort, at least not for a while. So, I think I am going to get a dog. But you know what that means?

I would have to move. God dammit! But, as much as I love my apartment, I am wanting to move to a house, which is absurd considering how much hell I went though moving to my new apartment. But, in a year I will move to a house. Some how. And then, if I still feel the need, I will get a dog. He'd (or she'd) have a yard. I would NEVER get a dog and live in an apartment.

So, I am having a lot to consider here. A new job, so that I can get into a house where I could contemplate hosting 'rabies', but will get a dog instead who will keep me company while The 'Phile is away visiting family. Sounds nice doesn't it.

Oh, but I must say. These are some of the things that keep me going in this crazy world. Like Music, and movies and books and The Audiophile's sense of style. And stuff like this. Or this. Or this. Oh and cripes! YO LA TENGO HAS A NEW ALBUM COMING OUT on SEPETMBER 12th TITLED:

Yo La Tengo Are Not Afraid Of You And They Will Kick You In The Ass.
Now That. Makes. My. Day.