Sigh.
I am currently having a breakdown, right now in my cubicle...
Feeling like you are at the bottom of a well, and although you know there is life and light above, because you can see the opening at the top, but you know that you can't reach it, and it will be a really long time before you can reach it and it feels like you have been working so hard for so long and all of it is for nothing except the realization that you still have a lot more to do before you can even begin to climb out of that well? And all you wish is that there was someone in the well with you to keep you sane, but you understand that this is something you have to climb out of alone, because then how can you focus on the lessons to be learned if you're busy discussing music and movies and the latest this or that?
And then that hot rushing feeling in your head...you are going to simply break down... have a big fat breakdown...
I need to lean, just for a moment, sweet jesus, just for a moment...
Friday, March 31, 2006
Thursday, March 30, 2006
ADJUST THE DEBITS! ADJUST THE CREDITS! AMORT! AMORT!
I dream about numbers all night now. All I see are T accounts and journals and ledgers and income statements and balance sheets and owner equity statements and amortization schedules and calculators I haven't figured out how to use yet: ERROR 4 ... ERROR 4 ...
Like post office folk going postal, can accountants go accountal?
And if so, what does that mean?
oh god the insanity...
AMORT! AMORT!
(that is such a funny word... amort...)
Like post office folk going postal, can accountants go accountal?
And if so, what does that mean?
oh god the insanity...
AMORT! AMORT!
(that is such a funny word... amort...)
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
WEDNESDAY... already, all day...
Wow... do you ever have those days where you feel fabulous, have loads of energy and look like half a million dollars? (come on, I still had to get up early and go to work... NO one looks fabulous in the first 3 hours of their day... unless you spent all those 3 hours getting gussied up...I spend maybe...30 mins?)
So, feeling fab, looking not too bad and bouncing off the walls.
Everyone in my office hates me right now... mwahaahaahaa!
I finished watching Rosemary's Baby... crazy shit man... for the 60's? Roman Polanski's got some fairly neat-o (yes, neat-O) ideas... I won't get into it (don't want to spoil the suprise you know...) but I would recommend it for what its about and the times, kind of neat... o.
So, feeling fab, looking not too bad and bouncing off the walls.
Everyone in my office hates me right now... mwahaahaahaa!
I finished watching Rosemary's Baby... crazy shit man... for the 60's? Roman Polanski's got some fairly neat-o (yes, neat-O) ideas... I won't get into it (don't want to spoil the suprise you know...) but I would recommend it for what its about and the times, kind of neat... o.
Monday, March 27, 2006
Debit the Credit...
I just completed my first test for my CGA Financial Accounting course. I would like to report that I have scored 100%. Whoohoo! Maybe I am that hellasmart person. (note: I thought way back when that I had 3 tests in like 2 weeks? Nay, I'm just incapable of reading instructions correctly...it's like 1 every 2 weeks...)
Went to see Belle and Sebastian at the Commadore on Friday. Brilliant show - even though they played few songs off the albums that I own. My friend and I agreed that we would need to pick up a few of the newer ones and check them out. Alln'all, it was good. I bet though the guy who got pulled up on stage and danced, had a ball! We went out afterwards and had seriously disgusting Greek food and ceasars which really wasn't needed but damn it was disgusting good. We lamented that this was the last of the tickets we had bought in advance, and were lamenting that we missed out on Beth Orton, or rather that we are missing out - we can't really afford the tix right now.
Saturday was nice, bought cd's neither of us could really afford (see, this is why we can't go see Beth Orton...) Some guy tried to pick me up... hey baby and all that shit. Really, get a life.
Got a Cat Power disc and a Johnny Cash disc. God, why did I not listen to Cash sooner? What the hell is wrong with me? My friend picked up this Flaming Lips disc, dammit... it is sooo good...
Watched a bunch of movies over the weekend...rented what... History of Violence, which was good, I enjoyed it. Not the greatest, but good. Saw the Village, what a shit movie. Lemony Snicket's series of Unfortunate Events or whatever its called, that was funny for a "kids" movie. Actually I found some of it to be quite clever...and I have plans to watch Rosemary's Baby either tonight or tomorrow... Depends on the mood of the evening, and if there is any March Madness on.
Went to see Belle and Sebastian at the Commadore on Friday. Brilliant show - even though they played few songs off the albums that I own. My friend and I agreed that we would need to pick up a few of the newer ones and check them out. Alln'all, it was good. I bet though the guy who got pulled up on stage and danced, had a ball! We went out afterwards and had seriously disgusting Greek food and ceasars which really wasn't needed but damn it was disgusting good. We lamented that this was the last of the tickets we had bought in advance, and were lamenting that we missed out on Beth Orton, or rather that we are missing out - we can't really afford the tix right now.
Saturday was nice, bought cd's neither of us could really afford (see, this is why we can't go see Beth Orton...) Some guy tried to pick me up... hey baby and all that shit. Really, get a life.
Got a Cat Power disc and a Johnny Cash disc. God, why did I not listen to Cash sooner? What the hell is wrong with me? My friend picked up this Flaming Lips disc, dammit... it is sooo good...
Watched a bunch of movies over the weekend...rented what... History of Violence, which was good, I enjoyed it. Not the greatest, but good. Saw the Village, what a shit movie. Lemony Snicket's series of Unfortunate Events or whatever its called, that was funny for a "kids" movie. Actually I found some of it to be quite clever...and I have plans to watch Rosemary's Baby either tonight or tomorrow... Depends on the mood of the evening, and if there is any March Madness on.
Friday, March 24, 2006
A french kid and his dog...
I am going to see Belle and Sebastian tonight at the 'Fabulous Commodore' tonight. I read the article about them in the Straight today, and looks as if they are going to be playing a good show... But I never really got that... I mean, you are going to play a good set. I anticipate that you will play a good set. But... how do you really know? Whatever, don't listen to me, I am so tired.
My job, is so boring. I am so bored I think I might cry. Monkeys can do my job. I am a monkey. With out a tail... So I have a monkey job, which sucks, AND I don't get a tail that can fetch me bannanas and such stuff (pens, keys, wallets...) so I am losing doubly. I mean come on, if you are going to get me to do monkey jobs, at least let me have the tail????!
I saw V for Vendetta on Wednesday night. It was entertaining. I realized after that there really wasn't a whole lot of content, the movie could have been probably an hour long and still cover all its points, but then, well, the movie would be a documentary or something. I definitely found some aspects really annoying. Or not annoying, that's a bit harsh, more like "huh? whaa?
What was the point of that?".
I watched the Constant Gardener last night. That was a good flick. I enjoyed that. There were definitely times where I was wondering if it was going to pick up a bit. I realized at about half way through that there was going to be massive 'close ups' of the human condition - which I enjoyed, got over the fact that there wasn't going to be a whole lot of car chases and such stuff, and ended up really liking it.
What else did I do this week?
Monday, Tuesday... Tuesday... can't remember.
Wednesday, movie.
Thursday, movie.
Friday... Belle and Sebastian...
Oh, I remember, I got my laptop on Monday, and fiddled with it on Tuesday.
Whatever,
anyways, signing out,
have a great weekend, if thats where you are at in your week.
My job, is so boring. I am so bored I think I might cry. Monkeys can do my job. I am a monkey. With out a tail... So I have a monkey job, which sucks, AND I don't get a tail that can fetch me bannanas and such stuff (pens, keys, wallets...) so I am losing doubly. I mean come on, if you are going to get me to do monkey jobs, at least let me have the tail????!
I saw V for Vendetta on Wednesday night. It was entertaining. I realized after that there really wasn't a whole lot of content, the movie could have been probably an hour long and still cover all its points, but then, well, the movie would be a documentary or something. I definitely found some aspects really annoying. Or not annoying, that's a bit harsh, more like "huh? whaa?
What was the point of that?".
I watched the Constant Gardener last night. That was a good flick. I enjoyed that. There were definitely times where I was wondering if it was going to pick up a bit. I realized at about half way through that there was going to be massive 'close ups' of the human condition - which I enjoyed, got over the fact that there wasn't going to be a whole lot of car chases and such stuff, and ended up really liking it.
What else did I do this week?
Monday, Tuesday... Tuesday... can't remember.
Wednesday, movie.
Thursday, movie.
Friday... Belle and Sebastian...
Oh, I remember, I got my laptop on Monday, and fiddled with it on Tuesday.
Whatever,
anyways, signing out,
have a great weekend, if thats where you are at in your week.
Monday, March 20, 2006
I'M BACK! and I saw the whales...
Okay, so anyone who says nature sucks, or that nature is boring or nature is like whatever man, they need to be taken out back and shot. Twice.
Friday we spent most of the time travelling, missed the 3 o'clock ferry, got into Ucelulet at around 10 o'clock, relaxed and discussed the surfing for the next day.
Saturday morning we get up. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, the surf is lapping. The Caralans is flowing. Our cabin (more like little house...) had a deck that spanned the entire front, and looked out over towards this tiny little cove. Went for a walk, found cool rocks and seaglass, discussed whether we should go surfing now or later. Our resident surf dude, he found out the swells were only 2 - 3 feet high, so um... not really a great day for the surfing. WHAT DO WE DO?
We decided to go on a zodiac and watch grey whales. For 3.5 hours we saw the most amazing scenery ever. We lucked out and got on a boat that was being used as a research vessel. So of course we got to stay out way longer (we paid for a 2 hour ride...), because the researchers needed to get as much time in as they could.
Now, grey whales, they are big. 45 feet long on average, and 35 tonnes. I saw the tail come up out of the water when one of them dived. It was massive. Lots of plumes of steam from the blow holes as they decended far down into the water. Lots of fins as they lied on their side and ate herring row in 6m deep water... yeah, 6 meters...
But the clincher for the whole day, the whole event, my entire life... was this moment:
As we stood at the side of the zodiac, watching the magnificent sight of a whale rising out of the water to take in breath, swimming in our general direction, we fell silent. The whale rose again, closer, directly in line with our boat. As the beast rose for its 3rd time, 6 feet away from the boat, the researhers, the skipper and all of us grew excited. The whale was due to swim right under and along side the boat. As we peered into the murky depths of the ocean, a dark and light mottled mass came into focus. The majestic beast swam slowly past the left side of the boat, inches away, and few feet below the surface. It swam in silent contemplation, its massive body gliding through the water. We watched as the body slipped by, the span of the fins were as wide as the vessel we were on. The body continued to slip by. Then what felt like an eternity, the tail finally swam by, a tail that had to be large enough to propel a 35 tonne body. This is magic at its best.
What makes this even more amazing is the realization that the event that just took place wasn't manufactured for our amusement. That whale probably had some idea that there was a boat or an object in the water above it, but it had no obligations to swim by, save curiosity. This gift that we were given was based on opportunity and luck or whatever you want to call it. But not manufactured, or forced. No expectation. Just pure simplicity of a happening in time.
I believe it now when a person says that seeing a whale up close like that can change your life.
Friday we spent most of the time travelling, missed the 3 o'clock ferry, got into Ucelulet at around 10 o'clock, relaxed and discussed the surfing for the next day.
Saturday morning we get up. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, the surf is lapping. The Caralans is flowing. Our cabin (more like little house...) had a deck that spanned the entire front, and looked out over towards this tiny little cove. Went for a walk, found cool rocks and seaglass, discussed whether we should go surfing now or later. Our resident surf dude, he found out the swells were only 2 - 3 feet high, so um... not really a great day for the surfing. WHAT DO WE DO?
We decided to go on a zodiac and watch grey whales. For 3.5 hours we saw the most amazing scenery ever. We lucked out and got on a boat that was being used as a research vessel. So of course we got to stay out way longer (we paid for a 2 hour ride...), because the researchers needed to get as much time in as they could.
Now, grey whales, they are big. 45 feet long on average, and 35 tonnes. I saw the tail come up out of the water when one of them dived. It was massive. Lots of plumes of steam from the blow holes as they decended far down into the water. Lots of fins as they lied on their side and ate herring row in 6m deep water... yeah, 6 meters...
But the clincher for the whole day, the whole event, my entire life... was this moment:
As we stood at the side of the zodiac, watching the magnificent sight of a whale rising out of the water to take in breath, swimming in our general direction, we fell silent. The whale rose again, closer, directly in line with our boat. As the beast rose for its 3rd time, 6 feet away from the boat, the researhers, the skipper and all of us grew excited. The whale was due to swim right under and along side the boat. As we peered into the murky depths of the ocean, a dark and light mottled mass came into focus. The majestic beast swam slowly past the left side of the boat, inches away, and few feet below the surface. It swam in silent contemplation, its massive body gliding through the water. We watched as the body slipped by, the span of the fins were as wide as the vessel we were on. The body continued to slip by. Then what felt like an eternity, the tail finally swam by, a tail that had to be large enough to propel a 35 tonne body. This is magic at its best.
What makes this even more amazing is the realization that the event that just took place wasn't manufactured for our amusement. That whale probably had some idea that there was a boat or an object in the water above it, but it had no obligations to swim by, save curiosity. This gift that we were given was based on opportunity and luck or whatever you want to call it. But not manufactured, or forced. No expectation. Just pure simplicity of a happening in time.
I believe it now when a person says that seeing a whale up close like that can change your life.
Thursday, March 16, 2006
WHOA...
Well, I published this rant about whales... and it went to the wrong board. The freaky thing is...this board hasn't been written on for a long time. Yet, today, well yesterday... someone else had posted just before me... HI KARIN!
So, WHOA.
Anyways, for the rest of the world...
HELLO WHALES!!! (that was the title of what I thought I was posting on here...)
I can't really remember what I wrote, something like there's 20,000 grey whales migrating from the Baja, Mexico past the West Coast of Vancouver Island... and I am going to swim out on a surf board and look for them. I recall using a lot of commas too. But yeah... whales, lot of em. Lotsn'lots... Apparently its something like the largest group of migrating animals in North America, or the world or something...
I wanna see one up close... Hello Whale, I would say... but in whale, not human speech... so it would be more like... scqueelcheeequeeelllleeeqheellleee....
I am so bored here at work...
scquyeeeekkklllleeekkkdddiiiioooooooo....
Don't you just LOVE Bob Dylan...?
Old Bob Dylan... with his harmonica and his strummin' guitar. And the lyrics... geezelouisemarge, so good. (he's playing on my internet radio right now...god I love it.)
So, WHOA.
Anyways, for the rest of the world...
HELLO WHALES!!! (that was the title of what I thought I was posting on here...)
I can't really remember what I wrote, something like there's 20,000 grey whales migrating from the Baja, Mexico past the West Coast of Vancouver Island... and I am going to swim out on a surf board and look for them. I recall using a lot of commas too. But yeah... whales, lot of em. Lotsn'lots... Apparently its something like the largest group of migrating animals in North America, or the world or something...
I wanna see one up close... Hello Whale, I would say... but in whale, not human speech... so it would be more like... scqueelcheeequeeelllleeeqheellleee....
I am so bored here at work...
scquyeeeekkklllleeekkkdddiiiioooooooo....
Don't you just LOVE Bob Dylan...?
Old Bob Dylan... with his harmonica and his strummin' guitar. And the lyrics... geezelouisemarge, so good. (he's playing on my internet radio right now...god I love it.)
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
TODAY!
Is a great day.
Aren't closing chapter days just fabulous? The beginning of new journeys, the new possibilities... ahh, the terror that you feel when you sit and go... hmm... what now?
BONUS... going to Tofino on Friday. Shit, that reminds me, I gotta tell my boss I'm not coming in Friday...
So STOKED... going away with a good friend. Surfing... I am going to try surfing...
I MAY HAVE FOUND A CAR... whoa.
Nice little Volvo, 4 door... from the 80's. With a sunroof. And it's TAN.
but I am not holding my breath until I get the keeeeeys...
Aren't closing chapter days just fabulous? The beginning of new journeys, the new possibilities... ahh, the terror that you feel when you sit and go... hmm... what now?
BONUS... going to Tofino on Friday. Shit, that reminds me, I gotta tell my boss I'm not coming in Friday...
So STOKED... going away with a good friend. Surfing... I am going to try surfing...
I MAY HAVE FOUND A CAR... whoa.
Nice little Volvo, 4 door... from the 80's. With a sunroof. And it's TAN.
but I am not holding my breath until I get the keeeeeys...
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Hairy Lobsters and Mitten Crabs!
(They actually do exist you know)
I went and saw the band Low yesterday. So good. The show was fabulous, I got so excited I actually yelled out a request... Oh the shame. See, I NEVER do that. Really. Well, maybe I have once or twice in my life before, but I would never admit to it... Hey, wait a minute.
But the gem of the show really was the opening act. The group is called Lavender Diamond, and my god, the lead vocalist - she was the most awkward thing I had ever encountered in my life. And I know awkward people. She had on this dress that was something out of an early 80's movie, and welcomed the guests to Vancouver, which is when my friend and I looked at each other and smiled - SO AWKWARD!!! we loved it. And according to them, we have a lovely population.
Their music wasn't too bad, in fact I think because she was so awkward and the band looked like a group collected over the years (like mismatched china or something), it made the music, absolutely-hands-down some of the most honest I have ever heard. Even her gestures, which were very staged, had this almost child-like innocence to it, you couldn't even really figure if she was a woman or a child... I bought their EP. And it had all my favorite songs on it. And that made me happy.
Long live hairy lobsters, mitten crabs and good honest to good goodness music.
I went and saw the band Low yesterday. So good. The show was fabulous, I got so excited I actually yelled out a request... Oh the shame. See, I NEVER do that. Really. Well, maybe I have once or twice in my life before, but I would never admit to it... Hey, wait a minute.
But the gem of the show really was the opening act. The group is called Lavender Diamond, and my god, the lead vocalist - she was the most awkward thing I had ever encountered in my life. And I know awkward people. She had on this dress that was something out of an early 80's movie, and welcomed the guests to Vancouver, which is when my friend and I looked at each other and smiled - SO AWKWARD!!! we loved it. And according to them, we have a lovely population.
Their music wasn't too bad, in fact I think because she was so awkward and the band looked like a group collected over the years (like mismatched china or something), it made the music, absolutely-hands-down some of the most honest I have ever heard. Even her gestures, which were very staged, had this almost child-like innocence to it, you couldn't even really figure if she was a woman or a child... I bought their EP. And it had all my favorite songs on it. And that made me happy.
Long live hairy lobsters, mitten crabs and good honest to good goodness music.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
"... what we learn in time of pestilence: that there are more things to admire in men than to despise."*
*Albert Camus, 'The Plague'
I certainly admire the fact that my body has produced so much disgusting I-don't-know-what over the last 5 days, blind me with intense migranes and that I was able to soak through not 1 set of sheets but 3... I also sit in awesome admiration as my friends' sinuses ACTUALLY look like they are pulsating in his skull and how this thing, whatever it is, reduces your body to that of a 75 year old...wreaking arthritic pain and dizzy spells that require you to need assistance getting out of the tub...
Damn pestilence. Curses to the one who brought this on, filthy bastard.
I certainly admire the fact that my body has produced so much disgusting I-don't-know-what over the last 5 days, blind me with intense migranes and that I was able to soak through not 1 set of sheets but 3... I also sit in awesome admiration as my friends' sinuses ACTUALLY look like they are pulsating in his skull and how this thing, whatever it is, reduces your body to that of a 75 year old...wreaking arthritic pain and dizzy spells that require you to need assistance getting out of the tub...
Damn pestilence. Curses to the one who brought this on, filthy bastard.
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