To A Friend.

I understand that whole feeling of NOW. To be the expert now. NOW. But there are reasons why we need to go through a process. We need the experience, we need the practice. We may be able to intellectually figure the task out or the idea of it, but we have to master it in the heart to BE it.

Which brings me to ask: Do you really want to BE these things in actuality? Or do you like the IDEA of writing, drawing, gymnastics etc. You can certainly live in an IDEA as this requires little effort, but it takes work and dedication to be the ACTUAL thing. We are both very cerebral when it comes to being things. We excel at IDEAS, and can master them quickly. That's probably why we feel we should be further ahead. We get it! We love it! We have many books on it! So... How come we aren't doing it?

It's US. Ourselves. We are responsible for our lack of achievement and action.

And we dress it up as excuses to fool ourselves, and attempt to fool others. Your limitations? There aren't any, except the ones you've created for yourself. And if you've created them, you should be able to take them apart. Excuses like not having the money or the time or you're too tired, they aren't really valid, because they are changable. They just take effort on your part. You can't lift heavy objects? Lift lighter ones until you can lift heavy ones. You want to be a superstar sewer? Sew everyday then. And really sew. Sew stupidly challenging things and be prepared to make messes and screw-ups and all that. You want to paint? Then paint! Your sick of being tired? Seriously look into it. Revise how you approach your day, how you approach your life. Of course you are going to be tired if you demand too much of yourself without adequately dealing with the issues that prevent you from moving forward. It creates stagnation in the mind and spirit and that'll make anyone tired.

You may be a crazy intellegent person, but until you can face the fact that YOU yourself are the ULTIMATE reason why you haven't achieved something, created something, etc. and that you are the only one in the position to make the changes in order to be successful, that intellect will be only used to create lists, and plans, and charts, and moving stuff from pile A to pile B and well, you get the point. That is what is meant by not living up to your potential.

By your very own design, you are creating your very own failures by circling back, and abandoning your ideas. Why that is, only you can discover. What you do with it, is up to you. But in order to move on from this, you have to allow yourself to look deep inside yourself and ask WHY HAVEN'T I, WHY DON'T I. And no one likes to do that. But it is so neccessary.

Most important of all, be gentle with yourself. You house a brilliant mind, but you also house a personality that can do great damage to yourself by creating too high of expectations, setting yourself up for misery and malcontent. It is not okay to ignore the root cause of your inaction, or perceived limitations. You need to know what these are in order to move on. But it is okay to take the time, and nurture the new things you discover. It is okay not to have a plan set in stone. It is okay to take time to achieve your goals. It is okay to change your mind. And if an idea is important enough to you, the journey to becoming it, where ever it may take you and however long it may take, should be just as rewarding.

I say this to you with such conviction because I do the exact same thing. And I want to change that. And it sucks. I see parts of myself where I wonder if I am so flawed then why do I bother? Because I am driven towards a goal, but I won't achieve it if I don't address these issues first. And those flaws, the discovery of them and the changing of them are essential to that achievement. And the IDEA is important enough to me that I am willing to sort through this shit to get there. I am energized, I am inspired. I am also scared. But as long as I remember that I am in control of my action, my life, hell my universe, I'll stay somewhat sane, and actually achieve my goal in my heart. Then, I can say I AM it.