An Open Letter...or two

Letter Number 1:

Dear ElegantHippieHipsterBlondeLady:

I don't know if you remember me, I was sitting in front of you on the bus today. I admired your pants as you came onto the bus, and thought, gee what an elegant looking woman. You have a willowy frame and lovely hippie girl curls for hair.

But I must say, that you have TERRIBLE BUS ETIQUETTE. I don't know who taught you that FILING your fingernails on the bus was an AOKAY thing to do, but I can assure you, they ARE WRONG. I don't know if you are aware, but the bus is NOT the vanity like the one in your loft flat down town. You don't see people picking at things on the bus do you? Oh, wait. You do.

Certainly, I could be in need of a good dose of Vitamin B complex, as I hear that aleviates any of the 'teeth on edge' sensations that a person may experience listening to say, nails on a chalk board, or someone filing their fingernails on the bus. Perhaps that will make me more tolerable of your DISGUSTING behaviour. Except that even amongst the boisterous conversations of the elderly ladies on the bus, I could still hear the SCRITCH SCRITCH of your cheap paper file as it scraped across your mangy dirty hippie fingernails, spreading your dirty hippie fingernail DUST all over the place. I mean really. If you are going to do it anyway? Get a decent file.

And your look of surprise as I bolted up out of my seat and crashed out of the doors? Yes, I got up because the sound was so REVOLTING I was ready to toss my cookies. I had mind to wait and toss them all over your lap, but then THAT WOULD BE RUDE.

Please be advised. It's disgusting. You're disgusting. Get some manners.

By the way? I hate your pants now.

Yours Truly,

The Girl Who Employed Zen Techniques So She Didn't Snap Your Fingers Off.



Letter Number 2!

Dear PeopleWhoRideTheirBikeOnTheSidewalk:

Hi! I bet you don't know me, in fact I am sure you don't know me because I certainly know you don't SEE ME when I am walking on the sidewalk minding my own business as you nearly kill me riding your trendy hand me down bike of Good Ol' Gramps from 1945 before he lost his legs in the War. You know who you are.

Look I appreciate that you want to be part of some trendy movement. That whole 'Look at me, I ride a bike and therefore care about the environment!' is very... Cute. Yes, you may very well be doing your part, protecting what little environment we may have here in good ol' Vancouver, but I assure you, you are FUCKING IT UP for those who choose to WALK as a means of protecting the environment.

I don't care if you can't ride your bike in the street, or you are afraid to. You are making it more scary for Gramps With No Legs to walk down the goddam sidewalk with your teetering old piece of shit bike. That's his place. NOT YOURS. Get off the sidewalk. Get a fucking helmet. Or if you are not wanting to screw with the 'look' you are trying to cultivate, then don't bother at all. It's not polite, it's not trendy and it's not very FRIENDLY, environmentally or otherwise to be such a fucking tool. So either grow a backbone and some sense and ride the bike in the street like you are supposed to, or don't. ride. one. at. all. For all our sakes. Especially Gramps.

Yours Truly,

The Girl Who Will Stick Her Foot Out Next Time You Tell Her To Move Out Of The Way When She Is ON THE SIDEWALK.



PS:

Sorry, I am just fed up with humanity today. We've all done the shitty things, but really. So if you do some of the above? Just remember that there are other people about. That's all. Think about the repercussions of your actions. Like these letters! I should really be thinking about what I am saying. But I am tired, hypocritical and need a beer, so not today. Sorry folks. Besides, it doesn't seem like anyone ELSE is doing it. So why even bother.