SO. NOT. COOL.

*Urge to kill rising...*

So I get home last night right? I spent Sunday and Monday nights over at The Audiophile's place. It's been a few days. But really nothing unusual about that '2 days away at a time' sort of deal. I get home, walk in, turn off the alarm, put the keys down, say hi to the fish, take my shoes off, tilt the blinds (hello neighbours), pick up my phone, dial the 'secret code' to access my voicemail, continue to chat with the fish (we had an indepth conversation about dead beat mothers), feed him (as a result of the conversation), realize that I have been waiting for a good minute or so for the message centre to kick in, hit talk again (I have a habit of dialing but forgetting to hit talk), wait another 30 seconds and being confused, hang up. Try again. Wait. There's something missing. What happens usually just before you dial out, especially if you hit talk first then dial the number? Ah. I have no Dial Tone.

Look over at 'The Hub', which is this major centre of terminals, routers, cables, plug-ins and all that shit located behind the TV. The lights on my terminals indicate that I have NO.SIGNAL.

WTF!?

I turn the TV on. It works. But not really all that great. Grainy pictures like I was stealing cable or something. I unplug everything, replug it in, wait the 30 seconds, hit reset, fiddle around blah blah blah. Nuthin.

Sigh. I call the Cable company. No, there are no wires down in your area. No there are no service disruptions in your neighbourhood. No, your neighbours in the building all have good working cable, internet etc.

Well. I have no home phone, I have no internet. I have TV but its all grainy and hard to look at. Except for like some of the higher up channels. Technician dude's like:

'The signal is there.'
Me: Yup, I got TV and its working, just everything else isn't.
Tech dude: Huh. Thats really strange.
Me: Uh, yeah.
Tech Dude: Well we'll have to send someone in right away.
Me: Sweet.
Tech Dude: Can I telephone you back on the number you are calling from right now?
Me: Yeah, I guess, since you can't call me at home.
Tech Dude: Yeah, since its your land line we will have to come in ASAP.
Me: Thank you.

So, about a half hour later I get a call.

Tech Dude: Ms. Gwynabella?
Me: Yo, 'Sup
Tech Dude: Are you available tomorrow?
Me: Uhhh... Yeah?
Tech Dude: The service people don't do service repairs etc after 6 pm. (its 7.30pm)
Me: Oh. Okay.
Tech Dude: What time tomorrow?
Me: I get home at 5.
Tech Dude: We'll be there at 5.15pm
Me: Uh, okay.
Tech Dude: Can I give the technician this number?
Me: Sure, it's not like he can call me at home.

Needless to say, and especially since I was (and sort of still am) feeling Blueblah, I was pretty frustrated. I was looking forward to just sitting, surfing and maybe chatting with some friends on the phone. I wasn't into reading a book since I had been reading non stop for about a week prior and just wanted to sit and numb my brain for a bit. But no. That isn't going to be for you today.

So, I flip though the channels that are less painful to look at and have a choice of watching some shitty sitcoms vs. STAR CELEB WHO'S HAVING WHO'S BABY, WHO'S FAT? WHO'S AN ADDICT? WHO'S SLOPPY SECONDS ARE NOW WITH WHO? WHO SUCKS AT BEING A MOM? WHO STAYED HERE AT THIS RIDICULOUSLY LAVISH RESORT?

But yay! I found Seinfeld, the holy grail of situation comedies. Whew.

Then I get hungry. Hmmm... I haven't got any real desire to get up and go make something. I haven't really got the desire to do much of anything actually. Blueblahs have weighed me down. I can eat tomorrow, I fully intend on eating tomorrow. But I know if I don't eat now it'll just get me into trouble. I finally get up and go to the kitchen. Maybe I will have a nice salad with some cheese, and a glass of milk. I should eat them anyways since they're going to go off soon. I open the fridge.

WTF?!

It's like I was hit with a stench that rivals the morgue. Before they do all that removal of organs and draining of bodies and shit. Oh.My.God. I just about threw up. What the hell? Oh, shit.

I remember as I slam the door shut in disgust. My fridge had been running a lot lately and I had looked at the dial and thought maybe its trying to run too cold. So I turn down the switch. Well, I guess the switch was already so far down that it was almost off. And I turned it off.

Encountering a warm, stale, stench-i-fied fridge is a most disturbing sensation to the nervous system. Oh, and look, all the rotting vegetables have liquified and pooled at the bottom of the fridge. Awww.

So now? I have no internet. No telephone. No food. And my fridge smells like the ass of some dead person.

I grab everything out of the fridge: Whole carton of milk, whole block of cheese, my spinach, carrots... dammit, every single vegetable - all the condiments have gone off...

I stuff it into a garbage bag only to have it leak all over the floor, wash the floor, tie up another bag with this messy shit in it, grab my keys and my wallet and head outside.

Toss the evil spawn of my fridge in to the rubbish bin, get a carton of Baking Soda, a sandwich, a bottle of water - rip open the carton of baking soda toss it into the fridge and get ready to eat my sandwich. Surprisingly, I haven't cried yet. Or even yelled. Or drown my sorrows in a bigass bottle of *enter booze name here*. I just sort of looked at the situation and wondered: What next people? What next? And if it's anything major, just don't make it messy.

Funny though, the toilet - whose pipes hum every time you flush (and it is a horridly obnoxious noise)? They stopped humming. Until this morning of course. And yes, I ran out into the living room to check and see if the cable was up, I mean surely I can have one or the other right?

No.