Oh Really?

DC doesn't believe me when I tell him that I sign EVERY SINGLE LETTER I send out. To date I have sent out 2000 letters. Yup, that's right. And I have signed by hand, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM.

I am still sick. You can read what I am doing about it and all that HERE!

I might take tomorrow off or at least a half day anyway. I am kind of excited about that. And folks it's the long weekend! I might go meditate. By the sea if the weather is nice. And read a good book.

Okay.

"Okay. I won't leave." I say to the some pretty important people in my world.

I guess I am just needing a place to write about things that I am into but aren't sure how they fit in this here Gwynabella land. Mostly because it doesn't blend well. So I created a new blog! AHA!

So I will put a link to it on my side bar thing, and y'all can read it and go WTF and be like oh my god. She's a hippie.

Sigh. I am not a HIPPIE, I am just New Age. But then I don't even know what THAT means.

I am truly a serene and loving person, I just vent alot. But now I am finding I don't need to vent. I'm kind of at peace. I know it's weird, huh. So here is where I'll vent when I need to and keep up with memes and interesting tidbits like fat free SENSE yogurt and such, and there is where I will be balanced and insightful and all that. Where I will write out the journey to my lifes work. Where you would go to get the REAL advice. That sound good to you all? Plus I get to play with that beta thing. I am liking the beta thing alot folks.

Oh, to see my new blog with all it's crystal gripping loveliness go here. It's still in the works, so bear with me as I change colours and fonts and such.

Music Wednesday

Its gonna be brief folks. I am starting to lose the whole 'Lovin' the Blog' thing. In part because my blog doesn't cooperate with me all that well, and to be perfectly frank, I am tired. But we'll see.

Anyway.

Album of the Week:
Bonnie 'Prince' Billy
I See A Darkness

I love it.
I am seeing Bonnie 'Prince' Billy in November. That, my friends, is truly amazing.

Anyway, probably just not feeling too well, hence the blah towards the blog.

Alright! Monday is now Tuesday, but it will still be Monday...

BLOG OF THE MONTH DAY!!!

Whoohoo, one month has passed and a new blog will be crowned King, Queen or what have you.

So without further aaah dooo (I spell it that way? Because I don't know how to spell it correctly. Sad in'it.)

Blog of the Month:

I Have No Name!

I love this woman. Having won Hot Blog of the Month last month, not only is her space on the World Wide Web a sexy colour of orange with amazing photography, but her writings I enjoy immensely. I honestly believe that Ms. KimmyK would be someone I would enjoy having coffee with and by the end of our date we would have both bawled, laughed 'til the coffee came out of our noses and I KNOW some discussion of bodily functions would occur. Mostly because I can't go anywhere without discussing poop. Because I am weird that way. But she would totally listen anyway. Because she is amazing that way. Plus? She is going back to school. To study Nuclear Medicine. Um, hello. So, Congratulations Ms. KimmyK of I Have No Name Fame!

Randomly Found Blog of the Month:

Cynical Dad!

Okay, so this guy? Is like the Audiophile's long lost twin brother. Anyone who can successfully write about 100 top albums of all time and then ask his readers to come up with cross referencing of contributing artists on other albums from the same list, and actually have people want to participate? Is basically my life everyday when I listen to tunes with the 'Phile. Insanely awesome. Cynical Dad is a Stay at Home Dad who writes awesome stories about his kids and his life and he has wicked taste in music.

Hot Blog of the Month:

Willie Baronet!

This guy actually found me, and so randomly is he awesome he wins. He is an artist who's works are just amazing, not to mention insightful. He is passionate about other peoples work too, which really sets him apart from the rest. He is so full of passion that... honestly, I can't say much more than that, except to fully experience him and his works you must go and visit his site. Congrats Willie, you have certainly touched my heart.

And of course, Boobie Blog of the Month goes to:

Moving Life Foward!

Not only does he not post regularly, but I have a sneaky suspicion that he would LOVE to win the Boobie blog, mostly for its, erm... title? This guy works in IT for the Hospital/University and dude, this guy is BUSY. And I mean BUSY. But when he does post on the rare occassion he certainly makes up for it, generally averaging 5-10 posts at a time. It's awesome. Mr. Moving Life Foward, I bestow you with the Boobie Blog Award! Congrats!

SICK!! Very SICK!!

Blogs of the month will be up tomorrow, Gwynabella's got the flu.

Sorry!

In Search of the Urban Raccoons.

I don't know what the HELL is up with my post of yesterday with all that fucking TINY writing, I assure you I had fixed it at least half a dozen times and it just keeps getting smaller in various places that weren't small before. Bah.

I am eating yogurt this morning and I see on the cup thing this:

Lucerne (since - depuis 1904) Sense. 0% MF (MG)
Stirred FAT FREE Yogurt
CONTAINS ACTIVE YOGOURT CULTURES
(and the french part here)(caps are accurate)
(is that even how you spell yogurt?Yogourt? Yogerhurt?)

Whoa, back the truck up. I am sorry, did it say SENSE?

It's called Sense. SENSE. So what, sense as in 'I sense the live cultures?', 'I sense the stirred-ness?', or is it simply that it makes SENSE to eat fat free things. Because it would be NON-SENSE to eat 2% or higher. Now, certainly. There are foods out there that we shouldn't eat. There are foods that we should be eating more of. But what right does a Dairy company have to claim that Fat Free makes SENSE? Am I supposed to feel superior because I am eating SENSIBLE food? It tells me so right here! On the label! They make sense, and I eat it!

Now no one can say I don't contain any sense, because right now I am full of it. Truly.

Anyways, that was my Thursday quibble. On to more healthy... erm, sensible things.

...

I got nuthin.

Music Wednesday (among other things)

Because I don't have enough stuff to blether on about, I have decided to christen EVERY Wednesday as Music Day. Why Wednesday? Because a W looks like an M upside down, that's why.

I am sort of borrowing from the Top 100 Favourite Album Meme that Cynical Dad and a few others had done, which I have to say is a pretty awesome meme. I decided to create (mostly becauseI don't own nearly half of my top 100 [see rules and an example of a top 100 listing here]) a favourite album of the week meme.

Basically what it will consist of is a review of an album that I am currently listening to during that week. The deal is this. I either own the album, or have borrowed it with the intent on purchasing it within the next pay period. Because I am poor like that. It will a) provide some entertainment for y'all, and b) help me build my CD collection with direction as well as give me an opportunity to learn more about the artists I enjoy listening to. Of course I will try to have the albums first before I write about them, but there are some that just rock my world and like a small kid, I can't wait.

So without further Aaah Dooo...

MusicWednesday!

Gwynabella's Album of the Week:

Tortoise: TNT (1998)
I love this album. I bought it in late January of this year after it was recommended to me by The Audiophile. There is something to be said about a music you can't ACTUALLY define. The overall feel of each song is significantly different, but underneath it all, there is a sense of familiarity from track to track. Even listening to it just once and to hear it again in passing, the sound is distinct enough to be instantly recognized as Tortoise.

In all honesty I don't think I have ever listened to something that conjured images of western scenes complete with riding horses off into the sunset and tumbleweeds to then suddenly feel like I am sitting in a slightly seedy, chic Metropolitan Bar, perhaps in Chicago where the band originates from, full of sound and vibration. The beauty of it is how this band makes the transition without having it's listener feel jarred or uncomfortable. Completely instrumental, TNT is funky and jazzy as well as totally contemplative and laidback, a far cry from what you would expect if you are driven by cover art (shame if you are!). Truly a great album to play during a quiet get together with friends or chilling by yourself. I would have to say Tortoise's TNT is hands down a must in anyones collection. Favourite Trax: I Set My Face to the Hillside; Four-Day Interval.


In Other News:

I woke up in the middle of the night and found myself choking, but couldn't wake up enough to deal with it. I don't want to know why, or on what. We will leave it at that, and just pretend it didn't happen. Moving on.

I went grocery shopping yesterday. I write this down because that doesn't happen very often. I am not a big shopper for groceries. But I discovered that there is a Kin's Market near my house and whoa, so cheap the veggies are! I decided to suck it up and start eating healthy again. The winter is coming soon and with what I want to be doing over the next few months (yeah, the 'PLAN'), I have to make sure that I am in top physical form. And if you aren't feeling well physically, you aren't going to be doing so well mentally, emotionally and on some level spiritually, which are also major important factors.

I haven't really mentioned the plan lately, and although I am wanting to talk about it, when I get ready to it seems I don't have the words to express it in a way that I feel will justify what I want to say. And I feel bad because I am all like 'I'll tell you today!' in various peoples comment sections. But trust me, its still there and still going strong, I just haven't found the way I feel will best describe my actions.

So with all that, people of the internet, what is your favourite album of the week? And where the hell did everyone go? DC? Teacher? Auntie Laura? What, you went and got lives outside of the internet and didn't tell me? Or invited me along?

And don't forget! Next Monday, August 28th is Blog of the Month Day! Pick your Favourite Blog, Hot Blog, Best Randomly Found Blog and Boobie Blog of the Month and tell the world how awesome they truly are!

Batteries Not Included.

The BCAA man looked at my car yesterday evening and announced that my car's battery is DEAD. And I don't mean dead like oh, give me a jump start dead, I mean DEAD as in go get a new one DEAD. But hey, at least it isn't something more drastic or expensive or what have you. But oooh, DEAD.

I discovered something interesting last night while I was waiting for the Audiophile to get out of the shower. I realized after many years and much suspicion that yes indeed, dials on HI-FI systems do move when you employ the remote control. See, I've never had a sophisticated enough piece of equipment that had multiple dials and such, and those who do, I wouldn't touch their remote controls. I always envision this band of whatever it is streaming out of the remote in a line. and lines push things. Not turn them. Certainly the volume would go up, but the dial would remain in place. But no! In essence (and in my over active imagination) the bands of whatever it is, is streaming and forming a hand and turning the knob.

And turning the knob it does. With avid over tired facination I watched the knob go from PHONO to CD to RADIO (which I quickly turned off because OH MY GOD what people think is interesting on the radio, ugh [says the woman who is totally enraptured by the remote turning of the knobs]) and back again.

The Audiophile was slightly amused and somewhat concerned as I demonstrated my facinating newly found activity. I explained to him I was sheltered. And over tired.

Sitar and Shut Up.

I purchased over the weekend two albums by Ravi Shankar and Oh my Sweet Zombie Jesus, so delish.

I didn't get that job I interviewed for a while back, and to be honest I am actually kind of relieved. I mean, no one likes to be rejected, but I am certainly not going to cry over it when I realized AFTER I had sent in my resume, that Oh. My. God - I don't want to do this! Has that ever happened, where you do something like apply for a job and then you realize that it wouldn't be anything like you thought maybe it would be and you really hope that they don't phone you? Oh, but then they do and you are all freaking out thinking SHIT what if I get this job, what the hell can I do then? Ah, well that won't be happening here, thank goodness.

Because as much as I may get down on working here, I can work on the things I want to get done better here than elsewhere. In fact, because I DIDN'T get the job, my plans are becoming less like plans and more like plausible actions.

See, with each working step towards these goals I have, the more employable I will be in them. If I for whatever reason end up not working where I do anymore, I could at least start working in the field that I want to, as I will have the training to do so.

I love part time/evening courses. They are my friends.

In other, less self absorbed news:

Less self absorbed? Whatever. The 'Phile and I are going to see Yo La Tengo in October. Got the tix on Saturday, and I am so excited. So much so I could pee.

I don't know what was up with this weekend, but there were Zombies everywhere. No, seriously. Zombies. Families of Zombies. All over the city. Why? I have no idea. I am upset though that I didn't hear about this because um, hello? I happen to spend a lot of time with the self proclaimed biggest lover of Zombies on the planet and OMG so much fun to dress up as Zombies!

And Snakes On A Plane is probably the worst best movie I have ever seen. I think it was tremendously awful. I cheered at the end.

An Open Letter...or two

Letter Number 1:

Dear ElegantHippieHipsterBlondeLady:

I don't know if you remember me, I was sitting in front of you on the bus today. I admired your pants as you came onto the bus, and thought, gee what an elegant looking woman. You have a willowy frame and lovely hippie girl curls for hair.

But I must say, that you have TERRIBLE BUS ETIQUETTE. I don't know who taught you that FILING your fingernails on the bus was an AOKAY thing to do, but I can assure you, they ARE WRONG. I don't know if you are aware, but the bus is NOT the vanity like the one in your loft flat down town. You don't see people picking at things on the bus do you? Oh, wait. You do.

Certainly, I could be in need of a good dose of Vitamin B complex, as I hear that aleviates any of the 'teeth on edge' sensations that a person may experience listening to say, nails on a chalk board, or someone filing their fingernails on the bus. Perhaps that will make me more tolerable of your DISGUSTING behaviour. Except that even amongst the boisterous conversations of the elderly ladies on the bus, I could still hear the SCRITCH SCRITCH of your cheap paper file as it scraped across your mangy dirty hippie fingernails, spreading your dirty hippie fingernail DUST all over the place. I mean really. If you are going to do it anyway? Get a decent file.

And your look of surprise as I bolted up out of my seat and crashed out of the doors? Yes, I got up because the sound was so REVOLTING I was ready to toss my cookies. I had mind to wait and toss them all over your lap, but then THAT WOULD BE RUDE.

Please be advised. It's disgusting. You're disgusting. Get some manners.

By the way? I hate your pants now.

Yours Truly,

The Girl Who Employed Zen Techniques So She Didn't Snap Your Fingers Off.



Letter Number 2!

Dear PeopleWhoRideTheirBikeOnTheSidewalk:

Hi! I bet you don't know me, in fact I am sure you don't know me because I certainly know you don't SEE ME when I am walking on the sidewalk minding my own business as you nearly kill me riding your trendy hand me down bike of Good Ol' Gramps from 1945 before he lost his legs in the War. You know who you are.

Look I appreciate that you want to be part of some trendy movement. That whole 'Look at me, I ride a bike and therefore care about the environment!' is very... Cute. Yes, you may very well be doing your part, protecting what little environment we may have here in good ol' Vancouver, but I assure you, you are FUCKING IT UP for those who choose to WALK as a means of protecting the environment.

I don't care if you can't ride your bike in the street, or you are afraid to. You are making it more scary for Gramps With No Legs to walk down the goddam sidewalk with your teetering old piece of shit bike. That's his place. NOT YOURS. Get off the sidewalk. Get a fucking helmet. Or if you are not wanting to screw with the 'look' you are trying to cultivate, then don't bother at all. It's not polite, it's not trendy and it's not very FRIENDLY, environmentally or otherwise to be such a fucking tool. So either grow a backbone and some sense and ride the bike in the street like you are supposed to, or don't. ride. one. at. all. For all our sakes. Especially Gramps.

Yours Truly,

The Girl Who Will Stick Her Foot Out Next Time You Tell Her To Move Out Of The Way When She Is ON THE SIDEWALK.



PS:

Sorry, I am just fed up with humanity today. We've all done the shitty things, but really. So if you do some of the above? Just remember that there are other people about. That's all. Think about the repercussions of your actions. Like these letters! I should really be thinking about what I am saying. But I am tired, hypocritical and need a beer, so not today. Sorry folks. Besides, it doesn't seem like anyone ELSE is doing it. So why even bother.

The Stars Aren't the Only Thing That Are Blind...

In the wake of my FEAR of things unknown, I have procured a new telephone device. Sigh.
Yes, another one. The number is the same y'all, just the look is different.

The story unfolds as such.

I wanted to get a nice simple phone, nothing too freakish, obnoxious. I didn't want it to slide and play music for me and be all iPod like or what have you. I didn't really want it to be much of anything except to do the following:

Be Silent. No Vibrating. Just Silent. Of course it can totally Vibrate too. In fact? A must too. And a nice easy user function profile thingy... thing.

I was eyeballing the Nokia 3106 or 6103 or whatever the hell, with its nice rubbery surface in an understated blue, with silver accents. But see this is the deal. I share a plan with my family, all on one bill. The number I have used to be my business line, we've just never got around to changing it over.

So, because this is all under my mother's name, I can't go into the store and upgrade the phone with out here present (or via the telephone) so, she offered while she was at the mall for a hair appointment today, to pick up the phone for me. The one I have currently likes to turn off, doesn't work very well, can't hear well on it blah blah blah.

Well, they didn't have the Nokia. In fact they are like back ordered until the next century or something. So, she telephoned me at work and asked me what I would want have in lieu of the Nokia. Me? I was like whatever, I don't care. Just make sure it isn't expensive. I asked about the RAZR, having heard mixed reviews on it. Personally I like the look of it, and I am familiar with the motorola layout. So, my mother in typical impatient fashion says okay, what colour? They got all sorts.

My response was: 'Ha! Get the pink one. No, wait get the silver one. Pink's erm... yeah. Whatever, you decide. Pick a phone, pick a colour.'

My mother: 'Okay. I'll see you in a few.'

This is what I got.

...



It came with a pink faux leather Cellphone Purse.

Thanks, mom.

When Demons Fly. Oh, wait...

Right. So. I am about to write something that y'all may think is crazy, but bear with me. Please.

I think. My Apartment? Is, how do you say...

Cursed?

Can I say that here?

Yeah. Cursed. That's pretty accurate.

Oh, you want proof? Okay. Lemme see.

First off. I am not a stranger to bad luck. I think everyone has experienced bad luck along the way. However. I am also fairly lucky too. In fact I am pretty lucky in most situations.

Now. Maybe this is just all a test. Or a lesson. Maybe I have done HORRIBLE things (in my sleep, because there is no way I am horrible when I am awake...), and now I am being shown, told or what have you. But you read the following and tell me what you think.

I have always had 'something' living with me in the various apartments. I firmly believe that. And most times it doesn't bother me. The last time I lived somewhere where it really bothered me was in 2001 when I lived in an apartment in Burnaby. I had some fairly bad things happen to me and they mostly subsided after I moved. After that it was just plain o' dissatisfaction and insane room mates. Of course, by no means do I remove myself from the 'insanity quotient'. But that is another story.

My apartment in North Vancouver was no different. I moved from there because The Audiophile lived in Vancouver and it was a long way for me to travel to. But I never left the apartment because I felt uncomfortable. Generally I am uncomfortable with apartment living and living so close to other people. But that's because I am weird. But never did I feel that my place was freakish or whatever.

So, I look for an apartment in Vancouver. I am looking around, looking around. Time is running out, and I find this place which is beautiful. I love it, I really do. I know it's got 'something' too, but never really felt uncomfortable with it. Well, maybe it feels uncomfortable with me.

I buy a car on the 29 of May. And I moved on the 30th. I get a parking ticket on the 1st. My car stalls out on the 1st. It is also the first sign of money issues, that and the ticket. I mean, I've always had money issues. But, this gets ridiculous.

Then The 'Phile suffers food poisoning. But I sleep well. But then there is that eerieness of the basement.

And then the dreams started happening. And the uber depression (which yeah, I was [am] over extended, and that will make anyone depressed.).

And then I had the problem with my internet/telephone/cable/toilet/fridge thing. Which the cable guy can't really figure out how it happened. And by the way? My thyroid is fine.

And then there's the sink/tub/lots of loud noises thing. Which incidently carry on well into the night. Oh and the spewing of water doesn't just come out of my kitchen sink, it comes out of the tub too. And smells like lavender. It's really fucking weird people.

And then there's the throwing of the back amongst the beetle infestation. Which is still happening. And the toilet thing starts happening in the middle of the night. Not after I flush anymore. Just keeps doing it on its own. The landlord has never experienced this in his entire time owning it (that'd be oh, 40 some odd years). Oh then, THEN there was more technical difficulties with my internet! And I am increasingly more depressed! And then I fail my accounting course. And continue to have strange dreams. And just general bad luckness all round. And more dreams. And there are dreams I've been having that I don't even post about because they are so HORRIBLE.

My car broke down a few weeks ago, and that will cost me money. So much so, that I have to sell it. I just found out that in order for me to take my supplemental exam for the accounting thing I will have to pay 200 dollars, plus another $385 in 'fees'. My other job, I have been having issues with sending files. The stress that was incurred by that was enough to make me mental. Finally after a month and a half (oh look, the entire time I have been living in this apartment) I figured out how to send them without causing chaos. My mail is going missing. Mail that includes my pay from my second job. Cothing of mine has gone missing. It's not at The 'Philes house. The fish? HATES it there. Even The 'Phile said it. In fact I think he pointed it out to me, 'Hey, the fish? Is totally spazzing.' And to top it all off, The 'Phile, although he likes my place, he prefers his. And I prefer his. Way more.

My smoke alarm, just after the toilet got fixed, started going off. I finally tore the battery out of it, because I couldn't do anything to make it shut up. Yeah, it probably needs the battery to be changed. I have had to replace 3 light bulbs that were NEW when I moved in since. I sleep there maybe 3 nights a week. The rest of the time I am at The Audiophiles. So it's not like I am consuming lots o'electricity.

Now, the hot water doesn't work as well as it used to. I had great showers for the first few weeks of living there. And now, slowly I am finding I can't have the cold water on at all in order to have a tolerable temped shower.

The only time where I have been able to have a good nights sleep is when I am at the Audiophiles. At home, I feel like I have been running a marathon, and can't sleep past 7:00am. And then last night? That's pretty much what did it for me.

I don't know if it was because I am tired, or what. And I am pretty easy going when it comes to 'things that go bump in the night.' I do energy healing, I feel it, I dig it. Sometimes it freaks me out, but mostly I just tell myself that I am freaked because it's strange, meaning new, different. But last night was different.

I was lying down in bed, and read for a bit. Then I turned the light out and fell asleep. Then, with a start I woke up. I heard a mosquito flying around my head. But it was so persistent. I turned the light on and I couldn't see anything in the room. I went and got my deep woods OFF and put that on, no more bugs. But as I started to settle in I hear this noise. Now, my apartment is small, and there are other apartments very VERY close to each other. But this sound, came from INSIDE my apartment. Sort of a rustling of papers. I figured something was slipping on my bookcase and it was no big deal. Then, it was significant enough that I sat bolt right in bed, turned the light on and waited.

And waited.

Nothing. I started to read again, because I was scared. I was actually SCARED. Not like OMG the zombies are coming to eat the dude scared, but scared as in, should I call someone? scared. I read a bit more and became drowsy enough to want to sleep. I told myself that if there was a person or thing in my house they were going to get me either way and I may as well be asleep when it happens. So I turn my light out. As soon as I do I hear the noise again like someone turning around (not walking) and then the hall door close. The hall door outside my apartment, not inside. That disturbed me even more, because that could mean 1 of 2 things.

One: A ghost. To which I say, come on! Please. Just let me sleep.
Two: A person who was hanging outside the apartment door and then decided to leave.

To be honest Two scares me more than One. Mostly because some how strangers get into our building.

So, I fell asleep, finally. And guess what happened? Yup. Another Psycho dream. I am frazzled people. And I mean seriously frazzled. I have had WAY too much ill luck over the last 2 months for this to be all 'whatever' about. I even CURSE more than I usually do. What the Fuck.

The Sinister Pechenkov and his lack of music taste.

Pietrovich Pechenkov to be exact.
Mwhaahaaahaaa.


...

Okay.

So, I have been having weird dreams. BUT I have ALSO been a walking DJ. I have at any given time like 3 songs in my head, all playing at once. But that isn't the issue here. I get it, I am insane. My issue is this:

How many of you out there have that song in your head, and do the grevious thing by saying out loud: "I have this song stuck in my head!"

And the people you are with say: "How does it go?"

And you stand there blinking at them: "I don't know."

Um, hello. Can you say: "FEELS LIKE A DIPSHIT?"

And it sucks because you've got the tune ROCKIN' out in yer head. You are like, feeling the vibes of the song, you've got the acoustics right (no comment on the perceived emptiness that creates such acoustics, Thankyouverymuch.), and you've got the crescendo, decrescendo, blah blah blah, all RIGHT. IT IS AS IF THE CD (OR RECORD) IS PLAYING INSIDE YOUR HEAD, and you were blessed with being equiped with an awesome set of speakers.

And then you try to sing the words (because they are there! They're there all right!) and the tune? And you end up sounding like you are yodling this:

"Blah, ballllaaaaaaaaaah, somethin' somethin' In the sk...sk...eyeeeee!!! Come on... you... youoouuuuuu.... er... blah blah blaaaaaah...." You all get it.

Right?

Does this happen to anyone else? Or am I really certifiable?

And On The Seventh Day, The Bus Rested.

Last night I had another strange dream. This one was TOTALLY induced by the copious amounts of beer and nacho cheesy disgustingness I was ingesting. In fact, so disgusting that my body HATES me today. It's saying "I am going to make your life MISERABLE". But oh, was it so good.

My dream involved a whole bunch of stuff I can't really remember: lots of running and screaming and what not. But I distinctly remember at one point in the dream I was sitting with The Audiophile and we were watching the news. And the news said clear as a bell:

"The Seabus will be shut down for SEVEN DAYS. Plan alternate routes."

And I turned to The 'Phile and said:

"I guess I won't be seeing much of you over the next seven days, or maybe a lot depending on when they shut it down."

Now, this may seem like a bizzaro weird dream, but not so bizzaro weird strange that I would need to report it. Other than the fact this is my second transit based dream. Must be because I am BITTER that my car has broken down. STILL. Oh, right I haven't mentioned that have I? that it is STILL broken? Yeah. We shall not speak of this 'broken car'. It's truly, truly a sin, to quote the Velvet Underground. ANYWAY. This dream, I mean, it is not NEARLY as interesting as say, getting beat up by Paris Hilton's shoe. But this dream was so REAL that it compelled me to look into the Seabus Activity when I got to work. And there's no indication that the Seabus is not going to run for seven days.

But I am convinced. Something is going to happen with regards to seabus or boat that carries people and it will be shut down and the number SEVEN is important. Mark My WORDS! Because I am so psychic.

I mean, I am SO psychic I choose not to play the lotto out of respect, because hey, that would be SO unfair.

...

Truly. I do not lie.

That's a SIN.

To A Friend.

I understand that whole feeling of NOW. To be the expert now. NOW. But there are reasons why we need to go through a process. We need the experience, we need the practice. We may be able to intellectually figure the task out or the idea of it, but we have to master it in the heart to BE it.

Which brings me to ask: Do you really want to BE these things in actuality? Or do you like the IDEA of writing, drawing, gymnastics etc. You can certainly live in an IDEA as this requires little effort, but it takes work and dedication to be the ACTUAL thing. We are both very cerebral when it comes to being things. We excel at IDEAS, and can master them quickly. That's probably why we feel we should be further ahead. We get it! We love it! We have many books on it! So... How come we aren't doing it?

It's US. Ourselves. We are responsible for our lack of achievement and action.

And we dress it up as excuses to fool ourselves, and attempt to fool others. Your limitations? There aren't any, except the ones you've created for yourself. And if you've created them, you should be able to take them apart. Excuses like not having the money or the time or you're too tired, they aren't really valid, because they are changable. They just take effort on your part. You can't lift heavy objects? Lift lighter ones until you can lift heavy ones. You want to be a superstar sewer? Sew everyday then. And really sew. Sew stupidly challenging things and be prepared to make messes and screw-ups and all that. You want to paint? Then paint! Your sick of being tired? Seriously look into it. Revise how you approach your day, how you approach your life. Of course you are going to be tired if you demand too much of yourself without adequately dealing with the issues that prevent you from moving forward. It creates stagnation in the mind and spirit and that'll make anyone tired.

You may be a crazy intellegent person, but until you can face the fact that YOU yourself are the ULTIMATE reason why you haven't achieved something, created something, etc. and that you are the only one in the position to make the changes in order to be successful, that intellect will be only used to create lists, and plans, and charts, and moving stuff from pile A to pile B and well, you get the point. That is what is meant by not living up to your potential.

By your very own design, you are creating your very own failures by circling back, and abandoning your ideas. Why that is, only you can discover. What you do with it, is up to you. But in order to move on from this, you have to allow yourself to look deep inside yourself and ask WHY HAVEN'T I, WHY DON'T I. And no one likes to do that. But it is so neccessary.

Most important of all, be gentle with yourself. You house a brilliant mind, but you also house a personality that can do great damage to yourself by creating too high of expectations, setting yourself up for misery and malcontent. It is not okay to ignore the root cause of your inaction, or perceived limitations. You need to know what these are in order to move on. But it is okay to take the time, and nurture the new things you discover. It is okay not to have a plan set in stone. It is okay to take time to achieve your goals. It is okay to change your mind. And if an idea is important enough to you, the journey to becoming it, where ever it may take you and however long it may take, should be just as rewarding.

I say this to you with such conviction because I do the exact same thing. And I want to change that. And it sucks. I see parts of myself where I wonder if I am so flawed then why do I bother? Because I am driven towards a goal, but I won't achieve it if I don't address these issues first. And those flaws, the discovery of them and the changing of them are essential to that achievement. And the IDEA is important enough to me that I am willing to sort through this shit to get there. I am energized, I am inspired. I am also scared. But as long as I remember that I am in control of my action, my life, hell my universe, I'll stay somewhat sane, and actually achieve my goal in my heart. Then, I can say I AM it.

Eff! You see!? Kay! Let's eat Soup!

Fucking tomato soup sucks. Not the tastiness sucks, but the "Lemme land on your blue (pale) blue sweater right about the boob area and leave a nice splooshy mark. My tomatoey sploosh mark. Mwah! I love boob splooshing on pretty blue sweaters! Now I am going to be cold too! YAY!" Fuck you tomato soup. Imunnaeachoo.

Well. Its Friday. Thank Fuck. Oh, I forgot to mention, this post is brought to you by the word FUCK. Children and easily offended people? Don't read. Or read, just don't expect me to care whether you are offended by my profanity or not. Or insanity. Or my hate for the tomato soup right now. HATE!

FUCK!

Actually, contrary to what this post may seem like, I AM actually in a relatively good mood! I am posting late (note the time, it's after 2pm) because I have been busy. Yes. Busy. Not working (well a little bit working), but, yup you guessed it: Planning.

Fuck, planning is intense. Needless to say, my plan has kept the same structure, just the stuff I am putting into the structure is different. Not much different, but it's varying. I even created an acronym for the things that am planning on putting into this 'Stucture' - it's RARY.

Oh. What could she mean!?

Each letter stands for something. Duh, that's what an acronym is. Yup. Each letter. Stands. For. Something. Funnily enough, I have mentioned these 4 things on a number of occasions in the past. Now I am actually looking at them. Not right now of course, I am looking at a computer screen right now.

Although... mwhahaahaa.

You'll never know.

The person who can guess what each letter stands for (and you have to get all 4) gets to pour tomato soup onto my boob "area" while I am wearing a pale blue shirt. Because you and the soup would just love that, wouldn't you!

I don't have to work this weekend! Woo! So!?
Have a fucking awesome weekend!

Gee, I wonder what this post is about...

Today was part one of the plan. And part one? Was well executed in my opinion. It went, shall we say, SMMOOOOOOTHLY.

So, this plan I have. Its working. And this time instead of like LAST time, and the TIME BEFORE THAT, and the time BEFORE that - that, I have devised an END PLAN or what we commonly call a GOAL, and have created several path plans that lead to this said END PLAN. Today was step one of END PLAN PLAN A. Flow charts are coming and a nifty DVD where DC will demontrate the creation of a hidden easter egg. Which will BE the hidden easter egg. Ooh. Nifty.

I guess since I have done the first part of Plan A to achieve END PLAN, I can talk a little bit about it. I had an interview with a Theatre Company here in Vancouver, one that some of us *ahem, Student. AHEM* have worked with quite regularly, in fact *ahem* La Student, the person who interviewed me today *ahem* was (is?) your boss for a long time *ahem* and this person has a crazy dog that liked to lie down in the middle of the road when it wanted to be carried. I can't for the life of me remember its name.

So yes, I had an interview. It went well. I won't know the outcome until later next week. I'll keep you posted.

And there is Part A of ENDPLAN PLAN B (not to be confused with the emergency contraceptive pill) that will be happening later this month. I will be posting about that after it happens. And then there is Part B of EPPB that will be happening sometime in September or October, depending on financial situations. I am very excited about this part of the plan (B). And then there is Part C of EPPB and well we don't know if that will happen, because of EPPA... you see where I am heading with this?

There is a PLAN C but time is running out quickly for that to happen and so, EPPC is just a back up file in case something comes up and it needs to be filed. I like filing.

In other, unplanned News:

I went and hung out with DC and the Teacher yesterday, drinking icy frozen slushy things and looking at magazines. I was on the hunt for magazines that involved EPPB and had no luck. However, I did get dropped off at the Chapters by my house on Granville and Broadway and found without a hitch EXACTLY what I was looking for.

I am going to be meeting another member of The Audiophile's family tonight, I am looking forward to it. If he's anything like the others that I have met, I am expecting to be busting a gut.

And as I am sure you all know, the Teacher has finished school and is a full fledged teacher now. So lets all yell HURRAH for the Teach, and buy her apples.

You may also notice nifty new things on my blog, like the COMMENTS. These comments were brought to you by the ingenious syntax skills of Mr. DC. Even some of the phrases too. I thought that it would make it a little more fun. Comments just by itself is a little tiresome. And I mean come on. You won't know what is going to be next or how long it will go, and because I know how to change it all up, I can ALWAYS keep y'all on yer toes.

Music to get all up on your toes with?

Postal Service - Give Up

Cosmic Contemplation of Ass

So! I have continued motivation. I am glad to see that this is not a momentary thing, like being drunk. Although, I am sure by now I am in some sort of perma drunk state. In fact? Most likely.

I started some of the implimentations of my plans yesterday. Took a look at this, dealt with that, got the ball rolling on that thing over there, you know what I mean.

Normally I am the type of person (Type, Christ. Okay, we have GOT to stop categorizing ourselves here) that as soon as she has a plan, BOOM the entire world knows about it. And what happens? Nothing.

...

Well, that's it, that's what I mean, NOTHING happens. The plan sits inside on the shelf never to see the light of day again. So THIS time, I am exercising that silence (sort of) and (trying) not to tell anyone what the deal is. And actively doing those things that I need to do, and THEN tell the world when I have done them. It's really hard. Especially when some of the things won't happen for a while, and then it'll take a while... and then, well by then you will all know because I would have told you by then. There were a lot of 'thens' in that sentence.

Right. So. Things in place, sort of. Things rolling in a good rolling fashion (you can really see that I am SQUIRMING to just belch out what I am going to be doing. I think partly because y'all will want to be participants eventually). (no, it is not a sex party, sorry.).

In other, less exciting (because I am SO exciting), but fairly exciting news:

Yo La Tengo is coming to town in October! I am so stoked! I think it's to do with the launch of their new album I Am Not Afraid of You and I Will Beat Your Ass (how could you NOT want to be in the same room as people who make albums and call them this? Screw the music! Its all about the packaging! [I am KIDDING]). The Audiophile bought an album of theirs and I fell in love, love, LOVE. He's seen them before, and is definitely all over seeing them again with moi.

And even more exciting, when I was talking with Mr. Fort St. John, he told me that he will be opening up for Greg MacPhearson in Fort. St. John. Um, HELLO? That is so fucking awesome I said fuck. And it looks like we are going to try and orchestrate something so we three can unite again and wreak havoc upon the earth. Well actually the two of them will wreak the havocness, I'll just moderate and make sure no one loses an eye.

I tried to get a hold of my school to write the suplemental exam. they sent the form out apparently in an email and wanted it back before the 8th of August. So, yesterday (that being the 8th, yes I AM a procrastinator) I emailed them first thing in the morning (which would be before noon their time) saying I don't have this form (I checked and they never sent the damn form), but want to take the exam. I get no response. I re send it a few hours later, and still no response. I think that sucks. I think they suck. But then that isn't a nice thing to say.

So instead we will sit and contemplate the cosmos a little more. And because the state of the world is such ass, go out and hug all those people you love so dearly. Because even though we live in a place where it is unlikely that they won't come home for dinner or that the place they have dinner at is no longer there, it's a possibility, I suppose. So, to all my friends? *HUG*

The Phoenix is on the rise.

Tada!

Sorry folks, as you may know I don't blog on the weekends, and because it was a long weekend, well that is one less day this week of readershipness - ness, oh you get the point. Sorry.

Well, first off. I want to say thank you to DC for taking me under his wing-a-ling Friday afternoon. Friday afternoon? Was HORRIBLE. The day from hell. I honestly think that my psyche cracked just a little? And lots of aura was falling out and I just freaked, like some kind of non-plumber expert watching in horror as her toilet overflows. *Ahem* yes. There was shit flying everywhere.

But the point. Yes the point. DC is awesome. Him and I had an incredibly revealing conversation (Not the clothing kind, you know, like those conversations: "I'll show you mine if you show me yours..." No. Not that kind of revealing.) over some rye and (terrible!) ginger.

As you all may have noticed I have been somewhat DE-Motivated. Or LIMSMO, or whatever the hell you want to call it. Inactive, stuck in a rut, demotivated, LAZY? That, and other things to take into consideration, like certain relationships I keep because I feel I am obligated to maintain them, and yet at the same time see the horrible detremental effect they have on me. There is nothing worse that realizing that the relationship you keep is truly killing everything inside of you, until you are a giant weepy mess, and yet you do nothing to stop it, because you feel obligated to carry on. WTF? That is truly messed up. And the DC and I, we analyzed it. We tore it apart, searching for answers.

And the beautiful Teacher, and her mountains of fabric, and joy of spending DC's money on onion rings. Truly an inspiring woman. Even just looking at her gets me motivated. By the time I saw her on Friday however, I was EXHAUSTED. And so? Not much fun was I, but she still smiled at me and told me about her journeys that day and I just felt happy.

Then Saturday, I met up with The Audiophile. And we talked, and we cried. And he told me that I am so smart and capable of some many things and that he wants to see me thrive (I know what that really actually means now [come on, we all have words we use and don't really know what they mean... if you say you don't, I think you are lying.])! Thanks Teacher!). He told me it makes him sad to watch me crumble under the relationship I have with certain people in my life, and that they make me so miserable. I told him what I learned about myself over the last 24 hours, and what I needed to do with my time. My precious, precious time. People! Your time is precious! Don't just give it away!

I even talked to Mr. Fort St. John. He told me to get on it. To do it, because that is what I am good at. He was so happy for me, and my discovery. No judgement. No criticism. Nothing. Him, The 'Phile, DC, and the Teacher. These are people who emulate inspiration in its purest form. Even good ol' Sensitive Tan, he's inspiration too. I saw him Saturday evening, and he just oozes inspiration.

I can't be afraid. And that is it folks. Fear. Fear is what stops me. I fear failing. I fear losing that momentum to be successful. I fear burning out. But I can't let that keep me anymore. So what!? If it is important to you, you will rise above it.

And so, I have a plan. I have motivation.



EDIT!!!!!

I totally forgot to mention that I met Irene (of FLIB-ur-tee-jib-it fame, and DC's co worker) on Friday too! HI IRENE!!!! We had never met (only via the internet) until that point. What a great way to meet a person IN PERSON for the first time. Right in the middle of an aura spill. Now you know why I was such a mess of energy! I even said to Dave, "Oh great, she probably thinks I am a crazy frantic socially awkward psycho." But no, just had a messy spill is all. I am better now. (AND, I think you, Ms. FLIB-ur-tee-jib-it, will quite like what my plan is.). The revealing of this plan?

Soon.

That's a real Spliffy shirt you've got on there.

I had another strange dream last night. And no, I am not eating cheese. Or at least an obscene amount of cheese, mostly because I can't afford it. A block of cheese is expensive man!

So, the dream, right. Oh, and I haven't finished that list. But I will get on with that in a moment.

So, I am running along Henning Street in Burnaby, and there is this woman I have never met who was with me. We seem to be running for a bus. But for some reason there is an empty rusted out pool/water treatment pool thing in the way. The other girl jumps it, and I decide to go around. There are people around and they are oooh-ing at the other girl's jump, and sort of glaring at me for walking around. When I get to the other side I chastise the people for putting someone down because they chose to be safe and walk around (sort of when your friends snicker at you because you choose to walk to the corner and cross a busy intersection, rather than darting across in the middle...). And this girl (I will call her Emily) she backs me up 100% and we catch the 129 because I needed to meet the Audiophile somewhere in Burnaby.

So I am on the bus and somehow it becomes this house. And we decide to cook. While we are cooking it becomes apparent that we are now at a ski lodge or something and I have a cold. We also get fixated on the notion that we are actually contestants of a contest similiar to a Reality T.V. show that features people living in houses, and we try to 'act' as normal as possible without letting them know that we know about the cameras (Yeah, I know. Weird.). Well the producers catch on and the house which is actually a prop is taken down as we are praised for our ability to realize that we were being filmed because they worked so hard at making sure we didn't know. So I decide to visit the Doctor on site and am chatting with a surfer in a green t-shirt while I wait. I get inside and my Doctor is there and he is all chatty because I haven't seen him in a while. I say this (which is weird because it's actually true) 'I want to know if my Thyroid is up to snuff, I went and saw another doctor because he was closer, but I feel I would like to get a second opinion. Will you help me out?' and the Doctor says 'Sure.' and rolls a joint and starts smoking it. We go for a walk because he wants some cookies and well, there you have it.

MEME of things to come

I know, I know it's not the scribbly list you want to see, but whatev, suck it up. I stole this from Queen of Napville who stole it from Lori who stole it from I Have No Name who stole it from... well you get it.

9 Lasts...
1. Last place you were: On the Bus.
2. Last drug used: Advil liquid gel caps for the squidgy in my ear.
3. Last beverage: Water
4. Last kiss: The Audiophile
5. Last movie seen: 2046
6. Last phone call: The Audiophile
7. Last cd played: Iron & Wine - Our Endless Numbered Days
8. Last bubble bath: 3 or 4 months ago.
9. Last time you cried: Aproximately 20 hours ago (I cry a lot, okay?).

8 Have You Evers...
1. Have you ever dated someone twice: Yes. But I could be all romantic and be like 'It's like a 1 year first date...' but no. I won't because I am feeling cranky.
2. Have you ever been cheated on: Yes.
3. Have you ever kissed somebody and regretted it? See above.
4. Have you ever fallen in love: Oh have I ever. Especially right now.
5. Have you ever lost someone: Yes, my Grandpa when I was 4. I didn't talk for 2 weeks straight and still get teary eyed when I think of him.
6. Have you ever been depressed: As in 'Geeze life sucks?' Yes. As in 'Geeze, I need help?' Yes.
7. Have you ever been out of the country: I have! 4 different countries to be exact.
8. Have you ever been on TV: I sure have. I did this television segment on alternative food sources, and I made pizza with crickets and mealworms as the toppings. And then I ate it.

7 States You've Been To...
1. Washington
2.Oregon
3. Montana
4. Arizona
5. Nevada
6. Idaho
7. And I FLEW over COLORADO and UTAH. Surely that counts.

6 Things You've Done Today...
1. Reset my alarm.
2. Ran for the bus.
3. Received my package for my bookkeeping.
4. Blogged.
5. Did some banking (and almost cried).
6. Went for a walk.

5 Favorite Things...
1. The record player the Audiophile gave me. (that's what I cried over yesterday.)
2. When someone 'gets it' and they are the only one.
3. Good quality toilet paper (I know, TMI but Whatev.)
4. Hawkers Lamb Curry with Rice
5. Getting that early morning roll over snuggle from The Audiophile.

4 People You Can Tell Almost Anything...
1. The Audiophile
2. My Mother (believe it or not)
3. DC
4. Mr. Fort St. John

3 Favorite Colors...
1. Blue
2. Orange
3. White

2 things you want to do before you die...
1. Forgive myself.
2. Forgive others.

1 thing you regret...
1. Nothing because all things that I have done were choices I made and the concequences I just simply must accept, good or bad.

Because I think too hard.

I paid off that stupid parking ticket yesterday. Part of me wanted to pay in pennies (that would be 5 thousand, 5 hundred pennies please) and ship it via Collect; another part of me wanted to write a cheque for the amount of 54 dollars and 49 cents and attach a note stating that 'You can collect the 51 cents from the Postal Service of Canada.' But no, I didn't. Instead I vented anger by slamming my 'POSTED' stamp on the invoice they sent me and sent it back to them with my cheque where I had written 'Fifty Five Dollars ONLY ---------- xx/100' because they will sense the anger I had from the stamp and the giant ONLY I furiously scribbled on the Cheque.

Last night, as I was sitting in my dark apartment wondering when the water would stop spewing out of my kitchen sink, I noticed that when I yawned there was this squelching noise inside my left ear. I poked at it a bit under the earlobe; plugged my nose and tried to pop the air out of my ears; brought my shoulder up to my ear and sort of squiggled about - only to aggrevate the squishy sound in my ear even more. And now? I have a dull ache deep inside the canal of my ear. I don't know if it is as a result of the squidgy sounds (and therefore an EAR INFECTION -EW EW EW) or if the ache is as a result of basically trying to cram my entire left arm into my ear through my neck. I will have to wait and see, and will keep you posted.

I seem to have moved on from being depressed to being slightly motivated. The trouble is I am motivated but I don't know what I am motivated about. I find this feeling very strange. Almost like a disembodied sort of motivation. Floating Head Motivation (ooh, cause for the ear ache??).

So what does a person do in this limbo state of motivation (now refered to as LIMSMO) and how do they climb out of LIMSMO (there is this fabulous voice in my head everytime I write LIMSMO - sort of an echoey deep booming circa 1950's Atomic Family Advertisement for Vacuums voice) in order to be just Motivated? I guess part of my problem is I have a lot of things in mind that I would like to be doing, and very little idea as to how to achieve even some of them. I also fear that because I am so completely dissatisfied with my current position, I will come up with ideas that sound GREAT! AWESOME! SO WHO I AM! THRIVE! THRIVE!!!! BECAUSE BECOMING A PARASAILING INSTRUCTOR WOULD BE SOOOO YOU! Sure it would be.

(I am so kidding)

So folks, it is LIST TIME! The List that destroyed LIMSMO!! *waves flag* I'm going to create a list of all the things I can do, want to do, not want to do, where I want to be, what I want to be (gotta be me!) and well you get the picture.

...

*scribble scribble*

...

*scribble*

Yeah, I'll post it, don't worry.


Music to be motivated by (been a while):

Spiritualized: Ladies and Gentlemen We Are Floating In Space.

Ah. That's Why...

Because you always wanted to know what the G really stands for.

YES! I have no bananas...!

Well, Actually I do. Oh! No more banana.

My goodness folks, I didn't post yesterday (oh, I just wrote ipost. ipost. Hmmm... aw, dammit. ipost already exists.). And alas, there are numerous reasons as to why. You wanna know? Huh? HUH? Okay, I'll tell you, but only if you sit quietly. Okay. That's good.

First: The Audiophile's sister and husband were in town until yesterday morning, and needless to say, I think they are fan-fucking-tastic. They are so awesome, and so much fun (hello! Black Hair!). But because of their visit and my having to work a bit on Sunday, I didn't really get to relax like I had hoped. Especially after discovering I failed my exam, had a hellish time with the other job, and am currently suffering from total and utter job dissatisfaction with primary job. Oh, and the fact that I worked nearly 65 hours last week (The Student has worked many of these and more, and I don't know how she did it. My guess is she doesn't either.).

Second: We (The 'Phile, Wee Sis, her Hubby and I) were going to take a nice drive to Lynn Valley on Sunday afternoon but it seems that after I had put in 30 dollars worth of gas, and paid 200 dollars in insurance on Saturday, my car decided that it didn't want to work (and still doesn't). AND since I am not a BCAA member (yet) I will have to pay to get it towed, and Lord only knows how much it will cost to get it to run again. I suspect it will be one of those situations where I will go in for the starter and I will find out that not only does that not work, but pretty much everything else too. I am so devestated I just ... *sniff* cue bawling.... now.

Third: The 'Phile, because of his recent trip, has received significantly less this pay period and is quite upset. Mostly because he worked so much over time but they didn't pay him the OT rate because he fell under that 40hr/week line. He also needed (read: Wanted. I tried to talk him out of it) to pay me back for some things, and so I could break somewhat even and buy a bus pass (I was trying to convince him I could walk to and from work all August). So I felt like a twat needing to take his money to pay for a pass so I can take the bus so I could go make money that would just end up paying for the means to get to work, so I can make money so that I can simply go to work, so that... oh, you get the point.

Fourth: I got a collections letter in the mail! Whoo! Yes, apparently if you don't pay your parking tickets within 2 months of receiving it, you get sent to collections! I am SO glad to see that the City of North Vancouver has so much free time and money to spend that it can come after me, threaten to RUIN MY CREDIT RATING and all for 55 dollars. Yes. 55 DOLLARS. Or perhaps they are so desperate for cash that they need to beat it out of me through psychological violence. Needless to say, I don't have 55 dollars, but thank you VISA for providing me with borrowed money. Oh! Lookit! Number FIVE!

Fifth: I am totally and utterly overdrawn on my VISA (See number 1, 2, 3 and 4!), so much to the point that I should just declare Bankrupcty.

Sixth: I have found out other things about other accounts that are mine and that Asshat The Wasband and needless to say, I am just about ready to call it in, take it over and get rid of it. Then maybe after I will sue or something. Or just pretend that that whole thing with the marriage and such never existed.

Seventh: Good god, there's seven? Oh, yes. It ties in with number 2. I won't as a result of all this shit be able to go on a holiday. Enter nervous breakdown... now.

Eight: I spent less money this month on me than any other month, and I have less than I have ever had before. And I just applied for a job that will pay me LESS annually (like 8000 dollars less) because it is the only way I am going to get into the industry I want. YAY!

However, dispite all of these HORRENDOUS things going on (y'all are probably thinking, geeze. Get a grip. Well I have, it just happens to be tightly around a stick I want use to beat something with.), I am doing fine. I am tired and grouchy and had a good cry yesterday; think I look fabulous with my newly dyed locks and mid month is only 13 days away and I should be able to put most of this crap where it needs to go in order to take care of this HUGE and OVERWHELMING but really managable situation.

So. Yes. I have no bananas. But I have no bananas in my lovely home I made sure I paid for. Or car I made sure I paid for. Or on the bus (because I have a bus pass! Made sure!). Or at work (because I have a job!). It could be way worse. I could have NO BANANAS and NO PLACE TO PUT THEM.